Anyone who’s spent any time in a bookstore recently, or taken the time to observe the reading habits of their fellow public transit travelers, has to be aware that deceased Norwegian crime journalist Stieg Larsson’s “Careless Girl” trilogy of novels is the pop-lit sensation of the day.
The Girl Who Played with Fire, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest are all pretty much ubiquitous these days. With the Nordic film trilogy smashing all European box office records and a North American cinematic re-boot currently being helmed by superstar director David Fincher, the probability of a series of posthumous sequels to be written by Larsson’s family and/or hired-gun ghost writers looking to feed the appetites of the notoriously undiscerning and easy-to-please fan market becomes more inevitable with every passing day.
That’s why yer old pal Jerky thinks the time is ripe to suggest some titles for these sequels, which – if we’re lucky – will continue to chug along in the fine literary tradition established by the post-Fleming Bond novels, the dozens of Dune novels published after Frank Herbert’s death, and all those Middle Earth books published by the estate of J.R.R. Tolkien.
Recently, Larsson's commonlaw widow - who was screwed out of any inheritence because she and Stieg never married because if they'd married Stieg would have had to disclose his home address and if he'd disclosed his home address he would have put both himself and his family in peril as he'd made many dangerous enemies in his days as a crusading anti-fascist reporter in Sweden - has claimed that she is in possession of a nearly completed but untitled manuscript for a fourth "Girl" novel. Now, whether this is true or just a ploy to secure some kind of settlement from Stieg's estranged biological family - the damn thing still needs a title. Come up with a winning title and you're pretty much half-way there! And so it is in the spirit of benevolent bonhommie that I present to you all the first Daily Dirt Top 13 List of the New Millennium...
TOP 13 TITLES FOR THE POSTHUMOUS SEQUEL TO SCANDINAVIAN AUTHOR STIEG LARSSON’S “CARELESS GIRL” TRILOGY!
13. The Girl Who Ran With Scissors
12. The Girl Who Didn’t Use The Handrail
11. The Girl Who Swallowed Gum
10. The Girl Who Never Flossed
9. The Girl Who Crossed The Road Without Looking Both Ways First
8. The Girl Who Didn’t Close Lid Before Striking
7. The Girl Who Combined Common Household Cleaners
6. The Girl Who Ordered Her Hamburger Medium Rare
5. The Girl Who Removed the Tag From Her Mattress
4. The Girl Who Wore White After Labor Day
3. The Girl Who Went Swimming Less Than One Hour After Eating
2. The Girl Who Counted Her Chickens Before They Were Hatched
1. The Girl Who Got Screwed by Sweden's Fucked Up Estate Laws