Friday, February 24, 2017

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY ~ FEB 24, 2017


A WHOLE LOTTA CRAZY
  • In a Facebook post that reached millions of readers in a matter of days, Pastor Joel Tooley describes what he saw when he and his family attended Trump's early campaign 2020 rally in Melbourne, Florida last week. Among the many choice words Tooley used to describe the scene there, yer old pal Jerky's favorite is probably "demonic". 
  • An online fund drive begun by the oft-slandered Muslim American activists Linda Sarsour and Tarek El-Messidi raised tens of thousands of dollars to repair a St Louis Jewish cemetery that had been vandalized by thugs earlier in the week. 
  • Are anti-Democratic political purges coming to Iowa Universities? They are if Mark Chelgren has his way. The Iowa state senator has proposed an "ideological litmus test" in order to create a "partisan balance" based on how Iowa has voted in past elections. In case you're wondering why someone would want party affiliation to supersede actual talent, knowledge, ability, and peer review to get a university job... just look at this fucker, and it all becomes crystal clear.
  • Speaking of impeachment (and if we weren't, we probably should have been), did y'all know that an official petition calling for Trump to be impeached has crossed the one MILLION signatures threshold? Maybe this is why noted author/historian Ronald L. Feinman is betting that Trump's presidency will be the second shortest in history (he's already surpassed the 31 days of William Henry Harrison), and that he's unlikely to reach the 199 day mark reached by James A. Garfield, and definitely not the 16 months and five days of Zachary Taylor. Hell, even former Ohio Republican judges are now getting in on the "Impeach Trump" bandwagon, pointing out his "dazzling illegalities"! 
  • If you need a reminder as to why all this impeachment talk is not only happening, but absolutely necessary (regardless of what this fucking idiot says), read Rolling Stone's rundown of 18 WTF Moments From Trump's Unhinged Press Conference from a week ago. It's a great outrage refresher. 
  • In particular, insofar as Trump's claim that his White House is running like a "fine-tuned machine", how many of you knew that of 549 key positions that require Senate confirmation, Trump has yet to nominate people for 515 of those positions?
***

SUGGESTED READINGS

1. Hey! You think there might be something wrong with our old pal Alex Jones? Maybe he's not getting enough Tasty TangerineTM? or being sufficiently liberal whilst applying his Androcreme Testosterone GelTM? Who knows? All I know is, the footage collected together to make up this video has got me worried about him.


2. How many of the 50 Best Movies of 2016 (as chosen by Paste Magazine) have you managed to see this past year? Personally, I've only seen six of them, and furthermore, I only plan on watching another fourteen, as the others don't interest me. The list also missed a bunch of great flicks, by the way, so I feel like I have no choice but to put out my own Best of 2016 list, preferably before the Academy Awards (but probably not, seeing as they're only two days away). Keep watching this space! 

3. If you're a comics fan (guilty) and a superhero fan (guilty), then Kerry Callen's Imagur series "Super Antics" is sure to titillate and delight you. These Silver Age shenanigans had yer old pal Jerky chuckling, and he doesn't even much care for DC!


***
QUOTE OF THE DAY

“Physicians like me have also taken notice of Trump’s bizarre, volatile behavior. Given our experience, we can’t help but wonder if there’s a medical diagnosis to be made. After all, many medical conditions exhibit their first symptoms in the form of psychiatric issues and personality changes. One condition in particular is notable for doing so: Neurosyphilis.”

- Infectious disease specialist Steven Beutler penned a New Republic essay to warn the world that a good explanation for Donald Trump's insane behavior might very well be that his brain is swimming with syphilis spirochetes.

DDD EXTRAS
  • If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on whatever day of history that it happens to be when you're reading this, why not check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog? You're sure to find something of interest, guaranteed!
  • Over at Kubrick U, I've added a bunch of new materials, including a jam-packed edition of Kubrick News In Brief, including interviews and videos and crazy Kubrick-related ephemera and whatnot. Also, I bring you a couple of recent Kubrick-related book reviews, including one for Kubrick Red (by a French Canadian author) and a sample chapter from Mark Fisher's The Weird and the Eerie!

THE TAKEAWAY

All my ritual magick practicing peeps, don't forget that at Midnight tonight, Friday Feb. 24th, we're all coming together to perform a mass ritual working in order to bind Donald J. Trump and all those who abet him. Here are the details. Tonight's will be only the first of many such workings. Be sure to get all the necessary components for the spell before stores close. You'll want to get in on the ground floor on this history-making magick so that, when the inevitable happens, you'll be able to say that you were a part of it all. Plus... involve all your simpatico friends and family, and it should prove to be a real hoot!

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

PREDICTION: GORGKA SOON GO BYE-BYE

You may remember in my rant from a couple days back, when I brought up in passing Trump "policy" "expert" (and former Breitbart editor) Sebastian Gorka--he of the fascistic Hungarian haberdashery fetish--in a not so flattering light. At the time, all I knew about him was that he was an alt-right sack of shit Breitbart veteran who probably doesn't belong anywhere near the levers of national power in ANY nation, much less that of the most powerful nation in the world. 

Sadly, it turns out Gorka is even worse than yer old pal Jerky could have dreamed, with even his fellow right wingers finding him to be an unworthy, embarrassing dimwit

On the plus side though... once you've seen his hideously malformed watermelon of a noggin and heard his effete cartoon supervillain's voice, it turns out he's really fun and easy to mock! Check out our old pals at The Majority Report having a blast doing just that...


A MESS...


Tuesday, February 21, 2017

THE MISTAKE TRUMP CAN'T TAKE BACK


SO ABOUT THIS FELIX SATER CHARACTER...

Susan Simpson is on FIRE over on the Twitter Machine! Here's her very revealing Tweetstorm on Felix Sater, which was followed up by a number of clarifications and elaborations, but you'll have to check out her Twitter Feed to dig those out. One thing's for sure, though... shit's getting serious in a big fat hurry. - YOPJ
The Felix Sater saga is so complex that I don't know where to begin, but here's some background info that may come in handy soon. 
Sater's backstory: immigrated to US from USSR, worked on Wall Street, stabbed someone in the face with a broken-off stem of a martini glass, 
lost his job because as a felon he couldn't work on Wall Street, went back to the mob, and engaged in penny stock scams for a few years. 
He then fled to Russia for undisclosed reasons, but due to a failure to properly dispose of a yacht, his guns and docs were found by FBI. 
The FBI found Sater "working for a telecom" in Russia. And for some reason, the nature of that work must always be redacted. Hmmm, how odd.
Sater became a cooperator. A good one. His services went "above & beyond the call of duty." That included being a 'traditional' cooperator,
but also seems to have included some distinctly 'untraditional' cooperation, allegedly with serious national security implications.
Sater was an informant for 10 years, and helped, inter alia, NY FBI bust all kinds of baddies. But he also resumed his business activities.

Including becoming a partner of the notorious Bayrock Group. Sater's activities at Bayrock were…. complex, to say the least.


During this time, Bayrock and Sater also did extensive deals with the Trump Org. Note: Trump claims he's not sure he knows who Sater is.
Which is strange, given how Sater was flying to Russia on Trump's behalf like every other week.

Sater pled guilty in 1998 and in 2009 he was finally sentenced. The DOJ sung his praises; the judge gave him no prison time, no restitution. 
John "Felix Sater" Doe's conviction was sealed. Lots of litigation ensued, etc., owing to the fact Sater had stolen a butt-load of money.

Fast forward to recent days. The Steele Dossier is released. It says interesting things, for example, about a Russian émigré close to Trump:
Interesting things that sound a *lot* like Sater. His mob connections and hawking of Trump condo means he had exactly the info Putin wanted. 
Then today NYT drops a story: Trump was presented with plan to lift Russian sanctions by leaking damaging intel on the Ukrainian president.

Through a mysterious "mutual friend," Sater is hooked up with a guy that can give him this kompromat, with instructions to pass on to Trump.
Who has spent two years hacking Ukrainian politicians? Who wants Russian sanctions removed? Reader, I'll let you draw your own conclusions.

But someone is using a mobster/former CIA asset/Trump associate to provide Trump with damaging info he can use against a rival politician.

The rival politician in this case is a foreign one, from a state Russia wants to break apart. But there are certain domestic parallels.

And all of this covers maybe a 1/10th of how wild the Felix Sater story truly is. We live in interesting times. /end
***

For those of you who prefer your information presented in a more, shall we say, narrative fashion, Josh Marshall's superlative overview of what is currently known about Sater, as well as his links to American intelligence agencies, the Russian criminal underworld, and a variety of business swindles with intimate links to the Trump organization is a must read.

For an indication of how this is all going to turn out for Trump and his administration, we have to follow the trail of crumbs up to the point where it turns into a trail of ankle-deep pools of Russian operatives' blood.

Allow me to explain.

With every passing day, yer old pal Jerky can't help but be reminded of something that happened in his own adoptive city of Toronto, Canada, just a few short years ago... a series of events that could be seen as a preview in miniature of what the United States is going through today.

I refer, of course, to the many scandals of Mayor Robert Ford.


In these times of supremely heightened tensions, of "alternative facts", and a great world power's rapid slide into the twin catastrophes of unchecked demagoguery and narcissistic score-settling, it's easy to forget that Canada's most populous city had to endure the rise and rule of its own pig-eyed populist incompetent, to the great delight of its own basket of under-contributing sub-and-ex-urban deplorables, in the not so distant past.

The constant bizarre public behavior, the ranting and raving, the non-stop lies about the city's finances, the constant bragging about his non-existent achievements, the petulant whining about the media being out to get him, and then, the purported existence of an incriminating video... are you starting to feel it yet? That tingle of deja vu?

Looking back on it now, one could easily get the impression that it was all giggles and schadenfreude, the stuff of late night TV jokes and juvenile alternative weekly tabloid covers. What people seem to have forgotten is that mayor Ford's scandals had a body count, with one of the three men photographed with him in this infamous image ending up dead. Another was shot, and both survivors ended up in jail. Another person allegedly involved with the sale of the video to Gawker ended up barely surviving a still unexplained five story fall from an Edmonton apartment building window.

Back to the present day, in the USofA, it already appears as though the similarly infamous Steele Dossier (and the "golden shower party" video discussed therein) has already cost the lives of seven Russian operatives.

If we're scaling the Trump scandals up from the Ford scandals using relative populations and political power levels... I'd say upwards of a few hundred thousand more will have to die before this all ends with a pale and groggy Trump giving a double thumbs up from a hospital bed, wearing a smock and a shower cap, before the world can finally breath a sorrow-filled sigh of post-apocalyptic relief.

In his work The Eighteenth Brumaire of Louis Napoleon, Karl Marx first intoned that history repeats itself, first as tragedy, then as farce. Although finding documentary evidence is difficult, Mark Twain is reputed to have disagreed, arguing that history doesn't repeat, but that often, "it rhymes."

In any case, we obviously pissed off some Chinese people somewhere along the way, because friends, we are living in some damned interesting times.


Sunday, February 19, 2017

SHOES DROPPING, HANDS SHAKING!


48 HOURS' WORTH OF SHOE-DROPS

Our old pal Eric Garland has rat-tat-tatted out yet another epic Tweetstorm over on his Twitter Machine, and I gotta tell ya, it's enough to give a tragically obese former Internet pornographer-cum-hobby blogging waste of skin, time, and breath a bit of HOPE for the future that he most likely won't be alive to see. I reproduce it here, for my older and less technologically inclined readers, so that they can share in the joy, as well. Enjoy!
  • Starting at Feb 17: - Mark Sanford of South Carolina goes full anti-Trump - Trump preferred a Fox pundit to a Navy SEAL for NSA
  • Trump White House avoiding Presidential Records Act by using "secure" texting app on *personal* phones that aren't really secure
  • White House shedding staffers who can't pass their background checks for security clearance because, who knows, zoophilia or something
  • Trump has reformatted the Presidential Daily Brief to the length and depth of a Hallmark card, without all the complexity
  • Australia's Malcolm Turnbull, the most Trump-like politician on Earth, called him a nancy for not being able to deal with the media
  • Pope basically instructed all Catholics to be nothing like the Trump administration
  • They almost made the National Guard the Waffen SS
  • Jason Chaffetz joined OJ Simpson to, at long last, look for the real killers. - Jim Comey scared the crap out of Senators in a SCIF
  • Trump dropped to under 38% approval, which is close to my rating - Haaretz revealed emoluments between Israel and Jared Kushner
  • It was revealed that a Venezuelan narco-trafficker who had his assets frozen by Treasury was a member of Trump's golf club
  • Germany said that US threats against the EU were tantamount to an act of war - Trump called the media "enemies of the people"
  • Marco Rubio (!) came out and said, Senate Intel can do this job - Politico said Kushner is really SecState, not Tillerson
  • Senate Dems asked DHS IG to investigate Trump - Pence stood up for NATO and everything Trump hates while over in Europe
  • It was revealed Trump staffers asked economic advisors to cook the books for 3% growth - Petraeus told the Trump people to pound sand
  • The New Yorker reported that Mike Flynn took $40,000 for appearing at a gala with Putin, which he did not report to the government
  • POLITICO dropped tapes of Trump SELLING OFF ACCESS TO SIT IN ON INTERVIEWS WITH POTENTIAL CABINET SECRETARIES
  • Potential Navy Sec'y Bilden said "thanks, but no thanks" - Pence in Europe got SUPER BUTCH about taking on Russia
  • FBI revealed that it has three inquiries into Trump and Russia, especially regarding shell companies that funneled him money from Putin
  • Trump had an online fundraiser to get him some money to fight the free press guaranteed under the First Amendment
  • NYTimes published a story where Eric Trump thinks we're freaking out because they're "only" gonna make $8 million for selling access
  • Trump had a straight-up fascist rally - McCain used the term "dictator" with regards to Trump
  • Trump, who lied, about a terrorist attack, pissed off SWEDEN, which is nigh on impossible - Trump was banned from IKEA for life
  • Actually Trump was not banned from IKEA, but that would obviously be amazing so RT to ask IKEA to ban Trump for life starting tonight
  • About nine other news agencies dropped 19 stories it's almost over I'm gonna eat some pizza love you all this was ONLY 48 HOURS
Thank you, Eric, for gathering all this intel (and as for my adding links to your work - you're welcome!). Hope you don't mind my cribbing your stuff, so long as I keep giving you credit! 

Cheers! 
YOPJ

***

Some helpful martial artists have developed a way to defend yourself against the unexpected physical assault that is a Donald J. Trump Power Handshake. So if there's any chance at all that you might be chosen to fill one of the increasing number of job vacancies in the White House--or hell, maybe even a cabinet position!--then you should probably click, clip, and save the information at the above link, for later.

DDD EXTRAS

If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on this day in history, check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog!

Friday, February 17, 2017

CASUAL FRIDAYS WITH THE MAJORITY REPORT


DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY ~ FRIDAY, FEB 17, 2017


THE LONG COLLAPSE

Folks, you may have noticed that it’s been a while since yer old pal Jerky treated y’all to one of his patented DDD Executive Summaries. Today, after Trump’s eye-popping hour-plus press conference / public nervous breakdown, I figured I should probably start sneaking in a few before the now all but unavoidable catastrophic nation-wide pan-institutional collapse begins, at which point I’ll be too busy constructing and guarding my rooftop trebuchet to be typing this online drivel for you ungrateful fuckers.  

By the way, did you know that while Trump was doing whatever the hell that sorry spectacle was supposed to be, a number of his hand-picked staffers were being walked out of the White House by security personnel after six of them failed their mandatory FBI background checksNo word yet as to whether would-be White House aide Sebastian Gorka--the former Breitbart "News" editor with a penchant for Magyar haberdashery festooned with regalia borrowed from murderous anti-Semitic Hungarian secret societies--was among the turfed.

Speaking of personnel troubles, Trump having to jettison National Security Advisor Mike Flynn--and thus, by association, his wretched Pizzagater son Mike Jr--over his lies about both the number and nature of his contacts with Russian intelligence officials in the weeks leading up to Trump’s inauguration is genuine cause for celebration. Anything that forces Trump to make an abject fool of himself with the kind of pretzel logic bullshit spewed during today's presser--"Flynn is a great guy but I couldn't trust him anymore because he lied about a call that was no big deal anyway and I knew all about it and I only forced him to resign because of the media and Russia is fake news"--is an indication that this traitorous administration's vulnerabilities are very real, and very serious. Retired Vice Admiral Robert Harward declining Trump's request that he take over for Flynn is another indication that this is so.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about the collapse of would-be Labor chief Andrew Puzder’s nomination. Not that Puzder was a great nominee. Quite the opposite in fact. The fast food mogul's abysmal record on labor is second to none, he's a crass sexist boor, and his ex-wife was so terrified of him that she wore a disguise when she appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show in 1990 to discuss his abuse of her during their 14-year marriage. But none of that mattered to the Trump White House. The real reason for Puzder's sudden disappearing act? Apparently, the dude just wasn't racist enough. You better believe that whoever they pick to replace Puzder won't be quite so "soft on border issues".

Which brings us back to the Big Picture, and yer old pal Jerky's decidedly pessimistic take on it. 

Yes, it's true, there are some signs that more Americans are waking up and becoming more vocal and active at the local level, with grass roots activism spreading so fast that some observers are likening it to a kind of nascent Tea Party for Nice, Reasonable People... and, as is to be expected, some right-wing pundits are now trying to float the idea that a bunch of people worried about losing their health insurance are all just "paid protesters". 

And yes, it's true that some in the faith community are brave enough to swim against the tide of current evangelical opinion by letting their parishioners know that Trump not only isn't a "true" Christian, he's actually pretty fucking close to being the exact polar opposite of one.

And, perhaps most importantly, it's also true that a senior intelligence official recently reacted to Trump's ongoing, ill-advised war on the intelligence community by coldly declaring to a journalistic friendly: "He will die in jail." And that's great. I mean, we're all keeping our fingers crossed, obviously.


And yet, when all is said and done, I still fear it may all be too little, too late. And I'm not alone in my apprehensions. Timothy Snyder, a Yale scholar and an expert on European history, is worried that time is already running out on American democracy. He recently declared:
"The story that Americans have told themselves from the moment he declared his candidacy for president, was that one institution or another would defeat him or at least change his behavior—he won’t get the nomination; if he gets the nomination, he will be a normal Republican; he will get defeated in the general election; if he wins, the presidency will mature him. That was what Obama said. I never thought any of that was true. He doesn’t seem to care about the institutions and the laws except insofar as they appear as barriers to the goal of permanent kleptocratic authoritarianism and immediate personal gratification. It is all about him all of time, it is not about the citizens and our political traditions. ... I think things have tightened up very fast; we have at most a year to defend the republic, perhaps less. What happens in the next few weeks is very important."
And there's the rub. Not only does America not have the luxury of waiting until the next Presidential elections in 2020, she doesn't even have the luxury of waiting for the 2018 mid-terms. Which means impeachment is the only solution. Which means finding enough Republicans who are willing to put nation ahead of party, to put what's right ahead of "winning", to recognize and rebuke the Trump personality cult... but also the absolutist, ideologically rigid political cult that the GOP has morphed into over the last three decades. 

Which means unless we get really, insanely lucky... it ain't gonna happen.

More soon. Keep watching this space. - YOPJ

***
SUGGESTED READINGS

Believe it or not... this is mild compared to the other shit.


1. Yer old pal Jerky has been based in Toronto for going on a quarter century now, and in that time, he's developed a healthy disgust for "Canada's Worst Newspaper"TM, the Toronto Sun. With the utterly middle-of-the-road Toronto Star, the tweedy and stuffy Globe & Mail, and the upstart neoconservative National Post, Hogtown does not lack for conservative opinions. But to call the Sun "conservative" is to miss the point entirely. The Sun's specialty, not to put too fine a point on it, is in ALWAYS being SPECTACULARLY WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING. This Torontoist history of the Sun's stubborn wrongheadedness about everything from LGBTQ issues to South African apartheid to Pinochet to eugenics (into the late 80's!)... it's a long and sordid list. The illustrations are particularly eyebrow-raising.

2. Did you know that The Disney Channel once produced and aired a series about Donald Trump fighting crime with a black pirate's ghost?! The series was called The 100 Lives of Black Jack Savage, and the synopsis reads thusly: "It’s the story of Barry Tarberry (Daniel Hugh Kelly), a businessman based explicitly on Donald Trump, and yes, he most certainly does buy a haunted mansion in the Caribbean. That mansion is haunted by the ghost of Black Jack Savage (played by Stoney Jackson in the pilot, Steven Williams in the rest of the series), who was an escaped slave who became a pirate in the 1700s, and who was eventually lynched for trying to save his people. Now, Barry Tarberry and Black Jack Savage have to save 100 lives… or they’ll both be sent to hell." Here's the intro:

To find out more about the series (and see more videos featuring its unique awfulness), head on over to Blumhouse.com.

3. Britcom veteran Frankie Boyle has penned an epic takedown of Trump that is so jam-packed with quality gags and zesty zingers, yer old pal Jerky was sorely tempted to run the whole thing! But of course, that would be wrong of me. So here's a chunk of it...
I actually think Donald Trump is going to prove a lot of people wrong, but sadly not George Orwell, Margaret Atwood, or whoever wrote the Book of Revelation. It says a lot about the man that building a giant wall isn’t even in the top five most Game of Thrones things about him. Of course, presidents always enter office with something to prove, it’s just rarely their sanity. ... You look into Trump’s eyes and you see the fear and confusion of a man who has just been told he’s got stage-four cervical cancer. He is a super-villain in a world without heroes, a man so obnoxious and unhappy that karma may see him reincarnated as himself. ... I’m in an unusual position in that I don’t support Trump being invited to Britain, but I do hope he comes. Britain is divided at the moment and nothing unites us like hating Americans. ... If the Queen ever has to shake Trump’s hand, she will put on so many gloves she’ll look like Mickey Mouse. ... My best guess at the great man’s next move is the hoisting of an enormous burning eye above Trump Tower. It’s a building for which the words tacky and gaudy somehow seem too jolly and frivolous. Close up, it looks like the memory stick where some giant alien sex-killer stores his worst atrocities, or a version of the black slab in 2001: A Space Odyssey, sent to restore our consciousness to the level of chimpanzees. Trapped inside, Melania Trump has a look that I’ve never seen before, the eyes of someone waiting with increasing impatience for Stockholm syndrome to set in. The look of a woman frantically trying to unlearn English, appalled to find that this only makes her understand her husband more clearly.
...and here's a link to the rest of it, which you most definitely should read at your earliest possible convenience. I mean, that "giant alien sex-killer memory stick" bit is killer! Line of the week, IMO.

***
QUOTE OF THE DAY

"For evil to take place, the acts of a few people are not sufficient; the great majority also has to remain indifferent. That is something of which we are all quite capable."

- Tzvetan Todorov, literary critic and historian of evil, passed away on the 7th of February. It was a particularly ill-timed passing.

DDD EXTRAS

If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on this day in history, check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog, where you will find out xxx!

THE TAKEAWAY

Now I remember why I stopped doing these things... They take FOREVER!

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

A DOCUMENTARY EVERYONE (AND THEIR FOLKS) MUST WATCH


ALL THE WORST PEOPLE...

Jeff Sessions protege and HP Lovecraft lookalike Stephen Miller, Trump's 31-year-old "policy wank" and new favorite brown-noser, follows David Duke (who declares the admiration to be mutual) and racist cartoonist Ben Garrison on the Twitter machine, and dropped his best friend the summer before high school because he was Latino. Which I guess shouldn't come as a surprise, all things considered. And yet, somehow, it still manages to register...

H.P. LOVECRAFT MEETS M.C. HATECRIME!

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

OUT LIKE FLYNN! AND SO IT BEGINS...

Oh, this is just too fucking rich.

The Hill's reporting on the Flynn debacle -- which, trust yer old pal Jerky, is the beginning of the end for the Trump administration -- is the best I've seen so far.

Monday, February 13, 2017

NEW KEITH OLBERMANN ~ MICHAEL FLYNN MUST BE FIRED (AND ARRESTED)


DDD TOP TEN LIST ~ WHAT KELLYANNE CONWAY LOOKS LIKE!

"Our Top Ten Lists Go To Eleven!"
It's been a long time since yer old pal Jerky has put together one of his patented Daily Dirt Top Ten Lists. After all, there probably isn't a more shopworn comedy conceit under the Sun. And yet, I get a lot of pleasure out of putting these lists together; and seeing as David Letterman retired last year, who better than yours truly to pick up the hack slack? Furthermore, I can think of no more worthy subject for this, the first of what is sure to be many such lists, than the Wicked Witch of the West Wing herself, the one and only... Kellyanne Conway! Brace yourselves, folks... this one gets kinda rough! - YOPJ



11. Kellyanne Conway looks like Wayland Flowers should be standing next to her with his arm up her ass.

10. Kellyanne Conway looks like a scarecrow brought to life by an evil gypsy curse.

9. Kellyanne Conway looks like Jigsaw from the Saw movies wearing a wig made from straw that pigs wouldn't eat.

8. Kellyanne Conway looks like she's a few weeks overdue for her monthly bath in the blood of unsuspecting young virgins.

7. Kellyanne Conway looks like how the inside of a menopausal woman's purse smells.

6. Kellyanne Conway looks like she lives on Diet Coke, nicotine gum, and a devastatingly powerful cocktail of psycho-pharmaceuticals.

5. Kellyanne Conway looks like she auditioned to be a cable TV horror host, but was rejected for giving children nightmares.

4. Kellyanne Conway looks like Dennis Leary. Even he thinks so!

3. Kellyanne Conway looks like a Real Doll designed by someone using images cut and pasted from old Mexican murder tabloids.

2. Kellyanne Conway looks like someone took a skin shed by Ann Coulter during a molt and pumped it full of fluids collected from one of Roger Stone's swinger orgies.

1. Kellyanne Conway looks like the kind of person who would willingly go to work for a person like Donald Fucking Trump.

***



Saturday, February 11, 2017

GUEST POST BY OUR OLD PAL MOJO

Hey folks! As old school Dirt readers are already aware, yer old pal Jerky used to provide plenty of room for readers to express themselves, be it in the form of letters to the editor, guest editorials, "First Amendment Zone" commentary, and other such venues. Today's offering comes from our old pal Mojo, who has been among the Daily Dirt's hardest of core enthusiasts for a very long time, indeed. His musings on race and racism in Canada, a series of thoughts kicked off upon reading this MacLean's story, are hereby presented for your infotainmentational delectation. Enjoy! - YOPJ 
Dear Jerky;

Racism was hit and miss in Canada when I was young. In my little town if you heard a racist comment it was directed toward First Nations people. At the time, we mostly saw them only after they'd received their allotment, when they'd come into the towns from the Rez to get drunk. We just called them Indians back then. I won't mention some of the other names, but there were as many as there were for blacks in the U.S. 

These were not the Noble Savages we learned about in history class. The ones we saw were mostly mean and nasty drunks. We used to go to court on Wednesdays to sit in the audience and see who got caught doing what. The nastiest thing I heard a judge say was during the case of a native woman who had stabbed her husband with a poker because he was being abusive ("went Indian" as the phrase was back then). He whined about being stabbed and the judge said: "Pity it didn't go deeper; it might have let some of the wine out."

Now, they've improved themselves in our neck of the woods, and I'm proud to call them my neighbours, and several are my friends. 

I never witnessed truly hateful racism until I lived in Toronto. The things I heard Italians calling Greeks, and most whites calling Asians, made me mad. And all based on false stereotypes. But the racism was not institutionalized the way it was in the southern states. Things have improved vastly since then, though you will still find isolated instances.
 
Unfortunately, thanks largely to the American government using fear to control and manipulate their population starting around 9/11 and escalating ever since, I have seen prejudice occur more and more often in Canada, pushed by the media and the politicians, particularly the Conservative Party of Canada. That's the party that rose from the ashes after Prime Minister Brian Mulroney's Progressive Conservatives suffered a terminal defeat at the polls, forcing them to join with the far-right Reform Party, creating something more like the American Republicans. 

Before the merger, Reform had serious trouble growing beyond their regional, rural roots, because many of their policies were openly racist and discriminatory against minorities and women. Now, thanks to their re-branding as the Conservative Party, formerly fringe right-wingers have gained some apparent respectability, and it's becoming more common in Canada to hear politicians say nasty things about Muslims. They're instilling the same fear in the population that was so successfully used to manipulate the American people. 

There is nothing to fear. It is stupid to be afraid of something that hasn't happened and probably won't. By all means people should always be prepared if something does happen, but it becomes far more likely to happen if people allow fear to colour their feelings and actions towards these groups. 

I have read the Qu'ran and Islam is a religion of peace, no more encouraging violence than the Torah of the Jewish people. Shari'a is not of the religion of Islam but is a tool used by the leadership to control the people. It is one of the things they are coming to Canada to escape. they are entitled to their rules of Halal just as the Jewish are entitled to rules governing kosher. 

A Muslim is just like any of us. They want to be able to enjoy their customs (not Shari'a) and holidays. They no more want our government shoving their beliefs down our throats than the rest of us do. They want quiet and peaceful lives, free of injustice and tyranny. They want to live, work, learn and be happy, just like the many ethnicities and races that make Canada the wonderful place it is. 

Let us leave the past in the past. Build a bright new future. It's the least we owe our children and the world.

Sincerely;
Yer Old Pal MoJo