Friday, January 20, 2017

AMERICAN CARNAGE 2017 -- THE PREVIEW

a guest editorial by Our Old Pal 6

Our Old Pal Jerky is swamped in eclectic coverage of both on and off-line reality so your Old Pal 6 (that’s me!) volunteered to help him create an Extra Special Edition of the Daily Dirt Diaspora for this most remarkable – or unremarkable, depending on where you stand – moment in history.

Highly credible news organizations like InfoWars erroneously claimed that “somebody’s gonna use a tactical nuke and the Obama Administration will continue” after the inauguration. Instead, we ended up with some tear gassings, flash grenades, and other boring stuff that’s actually pretty typical for any drug bust or slow news day. But we did get this comparison of crowd sizes between the Obama inauguration and the Trump inauguration, which pretty much says Americans don’t seem to give a fuck about welcoming the Cheeto into his position of Absolute Supreme Commander Ruler of Earth, along with the First Porn Star of the United States.

Exactly what kind of “don’t give a fuck is this?”

It could be disgust, it could be apathy, it could be everybody’s broke and can’t afford a flight or Greyhound to DC. We don’t know, but I’m leaning toward apathy because I, for one, don’t give enough of a shit to make the trip.

But we also got a decent and well-worded inauguration speech. For this crowd whose size was a step -- or maybe even two steps above open-mic night at the comedy club in San Angelo, TX -- Trump really delivered the goods. We got a delightful Bernie Sanders-style FU to The Establishment; it seemed like the writers actually focus grouped their work this time. 

Without fail, however, Trump just had to get into that ugly xenophobic crap. His speechwriters at least had the decency to throw a Rickroll on top of it, with a few nods to Charlie Sheen about America and “winning.” 

Maybe that wasn’t a nod to Charlie Sheen, but all that talk about winning is really a part of the Charlie Sheen brand, so it could be trademark or copyright infringement by now. You think I’m kidding? Watch the video – I wouldn’t alexjones this stuff up for the Dirt’s audience – it’s in there.

Then we get an alleged Bible quote – or something labeled as a Bible quote; I don’t care one way or the other and will allow others to fact check that particular point. A few echoes of fascism, namely the police state stuff, nationalism, loyalty, and the like. 

And then, just like every other politician with low opinion polls, he turns to space – specifically, “unlocking the mysteries of space.” Anyone else remember when Dubya tried to do it with Mars? Space is the go-to-place when you’re losing face, Ace. That, and promises of eradicating Islamic terrorism.

The greatest and best – and I mean amazingest – truly the best and 'yuge' ironic statement in the speech?

“When you open your heart to patriotism, there is no room for prejudice.” (11:45)

Runner-up: “We will no longer accept politicians who are all talk and no action constantly complaining but never doing anything about it … empty talk is over.”

That’s all I got for now. Tomorrow I’ll be checking the DC police reports to see what kind of neato stuff happened that their public affairs people felt could be posted online. I encourage others to do the same.

***
Yer Old Pal 6 is a long-time fan of the Daily Dirt and credits Yer Old Pal Jerky with helping him to survive two Bush Administrations. Sleek, suave, highly-educated, yet slow-witted, and pretty damn dumb, Yer Old Pal 6 enjoys wine tasting, sunny days, long walks on the beach, taking psychedelics and watching ultraviolent cannibal exploitation films, the laughter of children, and other people’s puppies. He sees the Trump years as the Epoch of the Artist; we’re in store for some of the greatest music, writing, and innovation to ever exist in history. After all, somebody has to be the mother of invention.

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY FOR JAN/20/2017


THE MAIN EVENT
  • A massive avalanche in the Italian Alps buried a three-storey hotel on Wednesday. Two bodies have been recovered and thirty tourists are still missing.
  • Meanwhile, in Tehran, thirty Iranian firefighters perished while combating a fire in a historic high-rise building. It collapsed unexpectedly on Wednesday, burying the men under flaming debris. 
  • Forgive me if this sounds like a broken record about broken records, but for the third time in as many years, scientists have declared 2016 to be the hottest ever year since records have been kept.
  • In other disaster news, Trump is being inaugurated today. A group of "bikers for Trump" have already arrived in Washington DC, providing a Nixonian frisson to the proceedings by pledging to "protect" the inauguration events from protesters, and to do so with violence if need be. Despite having offered to do so in the past, Trump has yet to say whether he will pay any legal fees incurred by these fine citizens in the course of fulfilling their duties.
A DEEPER DIVE
  • Roasting Trump's pick for heading up Education, Betsy DeVos, alive; tanning would-be Attorney General Senator Jefferson Beauregard Bedford Forrest Sessions III's hide; exposing wannabe Health and Human Services Chief Tom Price's Big Tobacco ties; I think it's safe to say that Minnesota Senator Al Franken has been rocking the shit out of these Senate confirmation hearings. But perhaps his finest moment came during the Price hearing, after Price and Senator Rand Paul yakked up some insurance industry nonsense about how "association health plans" would help create "bigger risk pools" to "spread the risk", to which Franken devastatingly quipped: "I tell you how we get a really big risk pool. It'd be called Medicare for Everyone. That'd be the biggest risk pool." You've really got to watch it to get a sense of Franken's pitch-perfect timing on this. It makes Texas Governor Rick Perry's couch gag and subsequent SNL quip look like a big bag of amateurish poop by comparison.
  • Today is the fourth and final day of the World Economic Forum, held annually in Davos, Switzerland. If you're interested in what a wide cross-section of the world's moneyed elites hope to accomplish in the coming year, you need to start educating yourself on these folks. This year's theme? "Responsive and Responsible Leadership."
  • On the eve of President Obama's final day in office, the CIA released 13 MILLION pages of formerly classified documents to the public. Included among these records are extensive documentation of the "Stargate" psychic super-soldier program, information about tests on "remote viewing", and numerous reports on UFO sightings. In other words... a load of hooey.
***
SUGGESTED READINGS

1. Once you're done watching this, the 23rd installment of our old pal Keith Olbermann's "The Resistance" vlog series for Esquire, you'll be able to start making sense of the graphic at the bottom of today's edition of the DDD Executive Summary. That graphic is from early 2005, and you'll be able to own a printed copy of it--and the story that it illustrated--when I finish putting together my long-gestating "Best of the Daily Dirt" collection, which will be available to you later this year! I'll keep you posted with updates!


2. You have got to read Seth Abramson's article, entitled The Domestic Conspiracy that Gave Trump the Election is in Plain Sight, which begins...
Information presently public and available confirms that Erik Prince, Rudy Giuliani, and Donald Trump conspired to intimidate FBI Director James Comey into interfering in, and thus directly affecting, the 2016 presidential election. This conspiracy was made possible with the assistance of officers in the New York Police Department and agents within the New York field office of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. All of the major actors in the conspiracy have already confessed to its particulars either in word or in deed; moreover, all of the major actors have publicly exhibited consciousness of guilt after the fact. This assessment has already been the subject of articles in news outlets on both sides of the political spectrum, but has not yet received substantial investigation by major media.
This is life-and-death stuff, involving some of the darkest actors in the current US realpolitik milieu. It is every American's duty to learn, and help spread, this information, and all subsequent revelations relating to this information. It's the only way to stop it.

3. As America says goodbye to President Barack Obama and says hello to President Electoral Traitor Trump, I'm going to give the last word on that to the "Liberal Redneck" Trae Crowder...


***
QUOTE OF THE DAY

"The guy who ran for president on his ability to make and close deals could not successfully book a Bruce Springsteen cover band."

- Chase Mitchell, on Twitter, cracks wise. And he's handling the resulting death threats with great aplomb, as well!

DDD EXTRAS
  • If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on the 20th, 21st, or 22nd day of January, check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog, where you will find out about such crazy stuff as Bud Dwyer's deeply disturbing live to air suicide.

THE TAKEAWAY

Our old pal SixX is trying to help me come up with something fun to do to "celebrate" this blessed event with y'all. Whether that takes the form of a day-long live blog, or a running Periscope of Facebook Live video feed of some sort, we're not quite sure yet. In any event, keep checking this space for updates!

GANNON/GUCKERT circa 2005

Thursday, January 19, 2017

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY FOR JAN/19/2017


THE MAIN EVENT
  • The West African Bloc leadership have given Gambia President Yahya Jammeh until midnight to step down. After ruling Gambia for two decades, Jammeh recently lost elections, and has refused to step down. A state of emergency has been declared.
  • A number of Far Right European political leaders are holding an unprecedented cross-border summit in a sleepy German tourist town this weekend, in the two days following Traitor Trump's inauguration. They are apparently meeting to figure out the best way to build on their American ideological ally's success, and combine forces against the European traditions of tolerant liberal multicultural democracy. The dreaded "mainstream media" has, of course, been banned.
  • In the African nation of Mali, in the midst of an extremely complicated and rapidly evolving situation in that country, a suicide car bomber has claimed 50 lives, with many more injured and not expected to survive. Those targeted were part of a cooperative security group made up of formerly competing militias who had joined forces after signing peace accords with Mali's ruling government in 2015.
A DEEPER DIVE
  • Magnificent bastard Markus Muir has single-handedly punked Fake News media mogul Alex Jones, via henchman Paul Joseph Watson--who is the human embodiement of both the word "moist" and the notion that adopting a British accent is a great way to camouflage significant intellectual impairment--by getting them to run a completely unsubstantiated story about NBC and Buzzfeed getting ready to release vide of Trump saying "nigger" in Apprentice outtakes. Kudos, Markus! Kudos, and huzzahs!
  • Despite being threated with a lawsuit, herself--or maybe even because of it--Summer Zervos, one of the 13 women who came forward to claim she was one of the women whom Traitor Trump has confessed to sexually assaulting, is going ahead with her lawsuit
  • Regarding the political cartoon at the top of today's DDD ExecSum: I was hoping to draw one myself, featuring Assange, Trump and Putin in a "Human Centipede" configuration... but I couldn't make the ass-to-mouth order work, and it would be too difficult to make out who was who. Sorry!
  • Yesterday, former New York Times scribe Judith Miller tweeted critically about President Obama's decision to commute the sentence of Chelsea Manning, rhetorically demanding to know "how many people died" because of Manning's leak. While extensive government research has not shown any deaths resulting from Manning's leak, the same cannot be said of Miller's role in providing a veneer of legitimacy to the bullshit being spread around by Dick Cheney and his "Office of Special Plans" CIA bypassing intel stovepipe, which led directly to the 2003 launch of the still unfinished Businessman's War of First Resort in Iraq. That shit killed millions. And Judith is personally responsible for at least a substantial fraction of that number. How Judith Miller hasn't yet found the courage to do the right thing and kill herself in the most painful possible way is beyond my ability to comprehend.
***

SUGGESTED READINGS

1. Will wonders never cease? Conservative New York Times columnist David Brooks has penned a  compelling and cogent essay--vividly argued and historically informed--about the true, almost archetypal nature of the Donald Trump Moment, linking it to the concept of the carnivalesque. Brooks writes in part:
Carnival culture was raw, lascivious and disgraceful, and it elevated a certain social type, the fool. 
There were many different kinds of fools: holy fools, hapless fools, vicious fools. Fools were rude and frequently unabashed liars. They were willing to make idiots of themselves. The point of the fool was not to be admirable in himself, but to be the class clown who had the guts to talk back to the teacher. People enjoyed carnival culture, the feast of fools, as a way to take a whack at the status quo. 
You can see where I’m going with this. We live at a time of wide social inequality. The intellectual straitjackets have been getting tighter. The universities have become modern cathedrals, where social hierarchies are defined and reinforced. 
We’re living with exactly the kinds of injustices that lead to carnival culture, and we’ve crowned a fool king. President-elect Donald Trump exists on two levels: the presidential level and the fool level. On one level he makes personnel and other decisions. On the other he tweets. (I honestly don’t know which level is more important to him.) 
His tweets are classic fool behavior. They are raw, ridiculous and frequently self-destructive. He takes on an icon of the official culture and he throws mud at it. The point is not the message of the tweet. It’s to symbolically upend hierarchy, to be oppositional.
There's more--lots more--food for thought contained herein. Also, don't worry. Even though Brooks is a NYT columnist, I've linked to a Santa Cruz Sentinel reprint so you won't smash nose-first into the Times' goddamn paywall.

2. Nat Hentoff, a man whose distinctive "voice" has been "heard" for over half a century via his columns on so many topics, ranging from jazz to politics, has passed away. In the early days of the Daily Dirt, even though I often disagreed with his stances, I found Hentoff's spare but sly style to be a real inspiration. If I've ever moved or entertained you with my words, I would appreciate it if you read this overview of Hentoff's life and career. Consider it a favor to me.

3. We need a laugh, yes? Here... watch this guy prank the crap out of his wannabe troubadour roomie:


***
QUOTE OF THE DAY

"President Donald J. Trump is the insane director you hired so you could get the actor you wanted, and you’re just waiting and hoping that the footage you’re seeing from the location can somehow, in editing, get stitched together into something usable. President Trump is the movie star you need to get the money for the project, but the movie star has decided to rewrite the script over the weekend, and the reports you’re getting back about the new pages are alarming. President Trump is the actor starring in your series who is going to make your life miserable for the next four years. President Trump is what you get when you put the talent in charge."

- Hollywood Republican Rob Long puts "President Trump" in an entertainment industry context for venerable trade mag Variety.

DDD EXTRAS
  • If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on the 19th day of January, check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog.

THE TAKEAWAY

Accusing a creative person who's taken on a less than prestigious gig of doing it "just for the money" is like accusing a drowning man of kicking and struggling towards the surface "just for the oxygen".

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY FOR JAN/18/2017


THE MAIN EVENT
  • Last week, Julian Assange tweeted "If Obama grants Manning clemency Assange will agree to US extradition despite clear unconstitutionality of DoJ case." Yesterday Obama granted clemency to Chelsea Manning. Well played, Mister President. Your move, Julian. I wonder what odds they're giving at Ladbrokes? 
  • A Nigerian air force bomber on a mission against the Boko Haram Islamic extremist terrorist group has accidentally attacked a refugee camp, killing scores. Satan, laughing, spreads his wings. 
  • UK Prime Minister Theresa May's BREXIT speech continues to reverberate through the corridors of global power... and online, at the Apple Store, where the British Pound won't go as far as it used to.
A DEEPER DIVE
  • Israel's scandal plagued, right-wing extremist Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu referred to the growing international call for the establishment of a Palestinian state as "the last flutters of yesterday's world." Oh yeah? Well... that's just, like, your opinion, man!
  • The gunman who attacked a nightclub in Istanbul, Turkey on New Year's Eve, killing 39, has been captured in a police sting operation, and has confessed, saying he did what he did in the name of ISIS.
  • If you plan on going to Washington in order to protest Donald Fucking Trump's inauguration, be aware that a James O'Keefe--a well funded, Far Right agitator with a known history of infiltration, agitation, and the creation of lie-packed propaganda on behalf of, and in concert with, more "reputable" conservative and Republican groups--is up to his dirty tricks again. See the above graphic and this link for more information... and be safe!  
***

SUGGESTED READINGS

1. Ah, thank Cthulhu for Matt Taibi! I don't know if I could take it if he ever went the mushy-headed, leftier-than-thou, Putin-apologizing way of Glenn Greenwald and Julian Assange. His latest for Rolling Stone--entitled The Russia Story Reaches a Crisis Point--is a must-read, no matter where you stand on the much-debated Trump Dossier, and the ethics of the media treatment of those materials. And it ends with a bang, too. Taibi writes:
...Ynet in Israel is reporting that Israeli intelligence officials are deciding not to share intelligence with the incoming Trump administration. The report indicates they came to this conclusion after a recent meeting with American intelligence officials, who told them the Russians have "leverages of pressure" to use against Trump. 
This is an extraordinary story. If our intelligence community really believes this, then playtime is over. 
No more Clapper-style hedging or waffling. If Israel gets to hear why they think Trump is compromised, how is the American public not also so entitled? 
But if all they have are unverifiable rumors, they can't do this, not even to Donald Trump.
There's more. Be sure to read the whole thing. It's killer!

2. How cool is The Watchmen? Not the movie, but the graphic novel. Turns out it's pretty fucking cool... especially if you dig obsessive creative genius. I've been a fan for decades, and I learned some new stuff from this listicle, which is rare!

3. As if life wasn't terrifying enough these days, here's a batch of supremely terrifying short films to keep you even MORE awake at night! Some of them are lame, but some others really dug their clutches deep into the old grey matter... like, for instance, this one...


***
TWEET OF THE DAY



DDD EXTRAS
  • If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on the 18th day of January, check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog.
  • Over at Kubrick U, we've got a whole bunch of cool artwork related to The Shining, as well as the somber news of the passing of legendary Leonard, of "Hair by" fame. All this and more, in the latest Kubrick News In Brief.

THE TAKEAWAY

I lost an ENTIRE COMPLETE fucking DDD Executive Summary today somehow. Not even sure how I did it. Sorry if this one feels rushed, but it was.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY FOR JAN/17/2017


THE MAIN EVENT
  • The world reacts to President Electoral Donald Trump's declaration on Monday, in an interview with British and German newspapers, that NATO is "obsolete", and that "more nations" would soon be following in the UK's footsteps and leaving the European Union.
  • Meanwhile, in Washington DC, the B-Street Band--the Bruce Springsteen cover band that was slated to play at Trump's inauguration party--have dropped out of the gig.
  • A 747 cargo plane from Turkey has gone down on a runway approach in Kyrgyzstan, smashing into a village and killing dozens. 
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT

Last Thursday, in the middle of the night, America's Senate voted 51 to 48:

1. To end coverage for preexisting conditions, veterans benefits, and aid to rural hospitals.
2. To remove discrimination protection for women in healthcare.
3. Against the provision allowing children to remain on their parent's insurance till the age of 26.
4. To cut off funding for the Child Health Insurance Program (CHIP).
5. Against ACA contraceptive coverage and maternity care provision.
6. To direct committees to send budget legislation to defund and repeal the Affordable Care Act.

For those who get health insurance through work, no pre-existing conditions. Lifetime caps for coverage are back for everyone. Real and disastrous actions are being taken that will affect more than just the 20-30 million people who will lose their health care coverage and the 3 million people who will lose their jobs.

Despite their assertions of this being an action to "repeal and replace," no viable alternative plan has been proposed.

The House votes Friday. As of this moment, no replacement exists.

A DEEPER DIVE
  • A Connecticut woman has accused Republican politician Christopher von Keyserling of declaring "I love this new world! I don't have to be politically correct!" before... um... grabbing her by the pussy, then daring her to report him, as nobody would believe her. I realize that this reads like one of those incidents Youtube's army of anti-SJW Redhats would spend hours refuting with such unassailably logical arguments as "Yeah right!" or "As if!" or "SJWs LIE!!!" So it's a good thing the incident was captured on security video. Sorry, Sargon! Too bad for you, Shoe! Upon reviewing the tape, police arrested von Keyserling and charged him with 4th degree sexual assault.
  • Eugene Cernan, the last man to walk on the Moon and a particularly poetic advocate for space exploration, has passed away.
  • Oh, here's a nice little life affirming story to brighten your day! A mother in Pakistan has been sentenced to death after being found guilty of burning her daughter alive in a so-called "honor killing".
***

SUGGESTED READINGS



1. If you're a fan of Charlie Brooker's amazing TV series Black Mirror, and you like comic books, you're bound to dig this collection of comic book covers based on Black Mirror episodes! Enjoy!

2. And here's a fun, challenging little game for y'all to play while the world comes crashing down around all our heads in this slow motion train wreck of a reality TV series we call LIFE.

3. Philosopher Derek Parfit passed away a couple weeks ago. He was an interesting fellow, a highly regarded philosopher of ethics who couldn't form mental images in his head. Read this New Yorker profile if you'd like to learn a little bit about an intriguing contemporary philosopher.

***
QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Nothing in our system is self-executing. Trump can transgress every law and custom we have until enough people summon the will to stop him."

- one of my favorite Twitter denizens, name o' Southpaw, waxes wise.

DDD EXTRAS
  • If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on the 16th day of January, check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog.

THE TAKEAWAY

Nope... nothing wrong here!

Monday, January 16, 2017

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY JAN/16/2017

New TRUMP Mugs Just Arrived! (from China)

THE MAIN EVENT
  • Once again, Saturday Night Live mocked Trump, taking the piss out of his tragicomic press conference. And once again, Trump took to Twitter to fire back at SNL. It's the circle of our decaying culture's radioactive half-life.
  • Our old pal Sandro did a little digging in the New York Times archives and dug out the first article in that august institution ever to quote Donald Trump. It was in 1973, in a story about how the Trump organization engaged in racist practices. I think you'll find The Donald's early response to those claims unsurprising.
  • Civil rights legend John Lewis declared the Trump presidency illegitimate, which is something he also declared about Jim Crow, back in the day. Trump, being a racist sack of shit and incapable of controlling himself, took to Twitter and declared Lewis "all talk" before ordering him to tend to his failing Congressional district (which, for the record, is doing just fine). In the long run, with Lewis' substantial help, Jim Crow was defeated. Let's hope the same can one day be said about Trump.

A DEEPER DIVE
  • I realize it isn't easy, but try to forget all the salacious "piss party" stuff from that British intelligence dossier and focus on the fact that there appears to have been total cooperation between the Trump camp and Putin's government during his Presidential run, but we've got to try. Couple the fact that top Trump operatives were in contact with Russian officials with ongoing FBI investigations about that collusion, and how anyone can question those who say Trump's win was illegitimate is beyond me. He will forever be an asterisked President. 
  • Wow, Glenn Greenwald. What a disappointment. Up until a few days ago, I would have been willing to accept that he was suffering from some sort of leftier-than-thou, Hillary-is-the-Devil ideological blind spot. But recent comments (a lot of them, not just at the link) make me lean towards the possibility that there really might be something awful hidden away in the Kremlin's Greenwald dossier. To make him join Assange down at the rock bottom of the barrel, it had better be really bad... like, underage midget sheep S&M bad. Anything less would make him a coward.
  • Some folks built an anti-trolling bot that tracks and trolls anti-semites and other racists, and it's been reaping dividends on Twitter.
***

SUGGESTED READINGS

1. No matter what your political affiliation or ideological predisposition, Ta Naheesi Coates' My President Was Black, written for The Atlantic, is essential reading for every American and/or America-watcher.

2. In The New Statesman, John Simpson has penned an essay explaining how Putin has conned the world into believing that Russia is back in the superpower business. It's sharp and entertaining and well worth your time. 

3. This video from the Laughing Squid folks helps explain how entropy and complexity come together to create... everything, basically.


***
QUOTE OF THE DAY

"There’s a danger on the internet that you think you’re accomplishing something. So you see an article about a disease and retweet it and think ‘It’s cured now!’ And you’ve fooled yourself into thinking that you’ve done something productive."

- comedy juggernaut Judd Apatow sums up exactly how yer old pal Jerky's been feeling these last few days. Like, what's the fucking point of all this flailing about? Fucked if I know...

DDD EXTRAS
  • If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on the 16th day of January, check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog.

THE TAKEAWAY

Hey, Glenn Greenwald! If it's kid stuff... why not just kill yourself? Life is cheap, after all.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY JAN/15/2017


THE MAIN EVENT
  • Charlie Brotman, the 89-year-old who has served as the official announcer for Presidential inauguration parades since first getting the job in 1957, was fired by email this week after the Trump camp decided to hand the job over to some absolute fucking nobody who also just happens to have been a Trump campaign volunteer. I guess that "trumps" having done the job for Ike, JFK, LBJ, Nixon, Carter, the Gipper, Poppy, Clinton, Dubya and Obama in Trump's New Model America.
  • Israel, apparently feeling left out of the fun in Syria, allegedly shot some missiles at a military base there. Nobody seems to know why.
  • A number of Democrats are choosing to emulate pretty much every entertainer of note by not attending President Electoral Donald Trump's inauguration on the 20th. At this point, considering all the traps poised to snap on The Donald in coming weeks and months (you heard it here first!), I think it's a pretty safe bet that boycotting this event will increase their standing among constituents and improve their chances in future elections.
A DEEPER DIVE
  • Well wouldja look at that? Seems Penthouse Magazine may be in possession of video confirmation of the Trump "Golden Showers" story. Glory glory, will wonders never cease?
  • Those helpful buggers over at TheEstablishment.co have put together a handy primer to inform you just exactly what the Republicans are doing to the Affordable Care Act against the wishes of the vast majority of those who understand what's going on, and a sizable plurality of those who don't.
  • The Wall of Tweets at the top of today's edition is a collection of President Electoral Trump's reactions to various individuals, media outlets and organizations who have made statements with which he disagrees, to various degrees. It is meant to illustrate how, to a greater and lesser degree, how he has historically reacted to dissent.
***

SUGGESTED READINGS

1. Over at the N+1 journal, Corey Robin asks a question you might never have thought to ask: What do Donald Trump and former President Jimmy Carter have in common? The answer to that question--and many more, all covered in this excellent essay--may surprise you! 

2. Hey, yer old pal Jerky doesn't want you to only be reading stuff that agrees 100 percent with your pre-conceived notions. And so in the spirit of keeping you on your intellectual toes, I present Ryan Cooper's essay from The Week, entitled This is How the American Republic Ends. And even though he name-drops currently radioactive leftier-than-thou ass-hat Glenn Greenwald, an analysis of Trump vs Clinton as a proxy war between the FBI and the CIA--and all the horrific potentialities such a situation would entail--is not wholly without merit. So go read it, but remember... Glenn Greenwald has recently been saying the kind of things that make me think he's either too locked in to his worldview to change it when the facts change, or else there's a folder full of Glenn Greenwald "kompromat" in the Kremlin someplace.

3. Three very weird, very Russia-related media "glitches" took place across American TV last week, and they've been collected in one concise and entertaining video by our pals over at The Majority Report, which has become appointment listening for yer old pal Jerky lately. So after you're done watching the video, below, why not head on over to Youtube and subscribe to their channel?


***
QUOTE OF THE DAY

"They're going to go on trying to de-legitimize the media, one by one, piece by piece, to make it impossible for anyone to try to get out critical news analysis about what his administration is doing. This was the first step, and it's going to keep getting worse. Trump bragged on the campaign trail that he could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and could shoot somebody and he wouldn't lose voters. Rhetorically speaking, that's what he basically did to Jim Acosta. He basically took him out in front of the entire press corps, humiliated him, pretty brutally, and other reporters just sort of moved along."

- In this excellent blog entry for Media Matters, entitled "In One Day, 17 Signs of How Bad Press Treatment Will Be Under Trump", analyst Matt Gertz dissects, point by point, Trump's first press conference since Summer of 2016. His forensic findings? Not good.

DDD EXTRAS
  • If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on the 15th day of January, check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog.

THE TAKEAWAY

Finger still hurtin', so still comin' up short on content. Hope you guys can forgive, and will stick around for the meatier offerings currently in the pipeline!

Saturday, January 14, 2017

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY JAN/14/2017


THE MAIN EVENT
  • I burned the tip of my left index finger, so this is gonna be a short one. Every sentence brings waves of sweet agony, so yeah... please forgive me.
  • Christopher Steele, the awesome-moniker'd former MI6 spy who put together the infamous dossier detailing links between the Russians and the Trump campaign--as well as some of the Russians "kompromat" material on Trump--has gone into hiding
  • Democrats attending a confidential, behind closed doors intel briefing on FBI director Comey's recent decisions and behavior left that meeting officially freaked the fuck out, with some even going so far as to declare Comey "unfit to lead" the FBI, but unwilling to try and unseat him out of fear that whoever Trump chose to replace him would turn out to be far worse.
  • You may have heard how claims that Trump hired prostitutes to piss on a Moscow hotel bed where the Obamas had once slept originated as a 4Chan prank against "libtard SJWs" and that anyone who believes those claims is a victim of said prank. Yeah, sorry, but no. I mean, I realize it's hard to believe the same people that brought us PizzaGate are full of shit, but this increasingly appears to be the case.
***

SUGGESTED READINGS

Remember this awful, horrible, disgusting thing that an SJW Commie cuck snowflake oven-worthy libtard did that one time?


Guess what? Turns out it was an alt.right astroturf bullshit hoax.

***
QUOTE OF THE DAY

"It is now perfectly plausible to believe that we are preparing to inaugurate a president so fundamentally a creature of a corrupt money power that even Russian kleptocrats believe his greed is his greatest weakness. (The salacious gossipy stuff aside, the wanderings of Trump confidantes like Paul Manafort and Carter Page through the thieves paradise on the Volga is the really dangerous element here. In fact, the salacious gossipy stuff is a kind of foul camouflage to what may be an unprecedented sellout of an American election.) It is now perfectly plausible to believe that the president-elect may, in the words of Bruce Springsteen, have debts no honest man can pay, and that he may owe them to a man who is a ruthless autocrat even by historical Russian standards, which are considerable"

- Writing about What Comes Next for Esquire Magazine, Charles Pierce makes some salient points.

DDD EXTRAS
  • If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on the 12th, 13th or 14th day of January, check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY JAN/11/2017


CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT?

Can you even imagine having enough hatred in your heart for anyone--much less Barrack and Michelle Obama--that you would feel the need to hire prostitutes to defile the bed where they once slept by pissing all over it?

To hate the Obamas--as inoffensive and admirable a couple as have ever served in public office--with that kind of bilious, quasi-Satanic intensity... that is what I mean when I refer to Trump as being unprecedented, as being a monster.

Trump is a monster. He's a fecal golem, his forehead adorned with the kabbalistic formula MAGA, fueled by the crackling malevolent battery at his core: a pitch-black Pulsar of pure hate, burning in the frozen vacuum where God forgot to put a soul.

And he is days away from becoming the most powerful man in the world.

A DEEPER DIVE
  • After being found guilty of murdering nine worshipers at South Carolina's Emanuel AME church, Dylann Roof has been sentenced to death. After having taken the time to listen to his entire 2 hour FBI confession tape, I can tell you one thing: The ONLY thing differentiating Roof from the vast majority of Far Right Trumpnik Redhats is that he carried through on his beliefs. More on this soon.
  • Journalists present for Trump's Wednesday press conference--his first since July--want everyone to know that they weren't clapping at his pronouncements and laughing at his jokes. Those noises were literally being made by paid Trump staffers. I guess Trump learned a valuable lesson from Jeb!'s "Please clap" moment.
  • My Twitter crush Elliott Lusztig says that he thinks the next ten days will be "as crucial to American history as the famous Thirteen Days of October 1962", and you know what? I think he's right.
DON'T BELIEVE YOUR LYIN' EYES

Did you know that some alt-right media whores are trying to float the notion that Trump wasn't actually mocking journalist Serge Kovalevski in that infamous moment from his campaign?

Check out this video by noted Nazi fanboy and Canadian welfare-case-cum-conservative-clickbait-cunt Gavin MacInnes on the subject...


Considering the ridiculous bullshit these Trumpnik Redhats are ready to believe about anyone they dislike, the idea that they think Trump wasn't mocking Kovalevski is pretty fucking rich. What do they think Trump meant when he said: "the poor guy — you’ve got to see this guy"?

I shouldn't have to say this, but the fact that Trump has wiggled his arms in the past does NOT mean that he wasn't mocking Kovalevski.

By the way, this all neatly skates around the real issue here, which is the fact that Trump fucking LIED about what Kovalevski said re: his article "supporting" Trump's retarded assertion that he watched thousands of Jihadis celebrating 9/11 on New Jersey rooftops! Again and again he's repeated this bullshit! 

But whatever. Let's get bogged down in semantics and microscopic, mock-forensic detail, so the big picture always gets lost in the shuffle. It seems to be what we're best

TWEET OF THE WEEK!
***

SUGGESTED READINGS

Only one suggested "reading" (in the purely semiotic sense) for today, and it's this abbreviated version of a 1958 episode from the Western TV series "Trackdown", in which a con-man named Trump comes to town and warns the people that the world will be destroyed, and he's the only one who can stop it, by building a wall!


***
QUOTE OF THE DAY

"And so rock bottom became the solid foundation upon which I rebuilt my life."

- Harry Potter author J.K Rowling, as quoted by MMA fighter Ronda Rousey, who posted the above quote on her Instagram page, apparently deaf to the irony inherent in the fact that Rowling didn't write the above until AFTER she'd done the hard work of re-building her life.

DDD EXTRAS
  • If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on the 11th day of January, check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog.

THE TAKEAWAY

Curiouser and curiouser, these interesting times in which we find ourselves embroiled...

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY JAN/10/2017


THE MAIN EVENT
  • "Poetic cadence"? "Soft sensuality"? SOFT FUCKING SENSUALITY?!?!
  • Mainstream media continues its ridiculous wall-to-wall 24/7 coverage of Meryl Streep's Golden Globes comments, while the conservative movement's right-wing propaganda outlets continue to libel and defame her in an attempt to strip her of her hard-won reputation. All this as it emerges that Russian military intelligence is likely in possession of video footage of President Electoral Donald J. Trump hiring prostitutes to piss all over a Moscow hotel room where the Obama family once slept... among other potentially devastating revelations.
  • Meanwhile, members of the Senate Intelligence Committee are urging FBI director Comey to reveal what that agency knows about Trump's ties to Russia and/or Russian organizations. Despite seeing fit to derail Hillary Clinton's Presidential campaign at the 11th hour over what turned out to be a big fat NOTHING, Comey's response to the Committee amounts to, in essence: "I don'wanna! Pfffft!"
  • In any case, we should all keep our fingers crossed... if even a quarter of the revelations in this devastating intel dossier turn out to be true, we might not have to endure America's national nightmare for very much longer, after all.
A DEEPER DIVE

***
DDD EXTRAS
  • If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on the 10th day of January, check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog.
  • Earlier today, we ran a fun story about FOX News' attempt to make it seem as though there is great dissent among celebrities about Meryl Streep's Golden Globes comments by quoting a porn star, a racist Country Western novelty act, and a college football player.

THE TAKEAWAY

Working on an information-packed graphic interface with everything you need to know about Trump's shitty cabinet picks, so check back often!

FOX NEWS MELTDOWN OVER MERYL STREEP'S GG COMMENTS

screen grab of FOX News article on Streep comment

In the ongoing right-wing meltdown over Meryl Streep's Golden Globe comments about her disgust over Trump's mocking of disabled New York Times scribe Serge Kovalevski, FOX News continues to provide the most entertaining fare.

Take, for instance, today's article, titled "Stars Sick of Their Fellow Entertainers' Political Rants". Let's see which stars they're referring to, exactly.

Okay, so first up, they've got country music star Travis Tritt, who took to Twitter to write: "If you have fans who respect your talent enough to spend hard earned money to see your talent, be thankful and gracious and leave it at that." Well, okay Mr Tritt, but if you really meant what you wrote, why even bother bringing it up? I mean, if celebrity opinions don't merit sharing, wouldn't that apply to yours, too?

Anyway, who's next on FOX's cavalcade of Streep-dissin' celebs? Ah! It's former CNN host and current... sort of rich British guy who occasionally appears in The National Enquirer, Piers Morgan!

Wow. That's a pretty steep drop from Travis Tritt. So who's next?

Why, it's none other than everybody's favorite washed-up, pill-popping, hardcore porn star, Jenna Jameson! The former double-penetration/deep throat gag queen took a break from writing creepy mash notes to Benjamin Netenyahu in order to make her feelings known by Tweeting: "Please someone mute Meryl Streep".

I guess all those years spent being a human punching bag for MMA star Tito Ortiz took a toll on her cognitive functions. So who's next?

Right. Charlie Daniels. Of course.

And finally, FOX wraps things up with "outspoken college football player" Jack Murphy's speculation about the possibility that maybe Vince Vaughan and Mel Gibson also didn't much care for what Streep had to say, based solely on their reactions.

Nice buncha folks, these celebrity Redhats, you must admit!

And anyway, who cares what Meryl Streep says about Trump?

I mean, aside from the hundreds of newspapers and thousands of websites that have reported on her comments--and the continuing, ongoing reactions to her comments, both pro and con--non-stop, for the past 48 hours and counting?

Are you not entertained?

Monday, January 9, 2017

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY JAN/09/2017


THE MAIN EVENT
  • Get ready for the biggest shit-show since election night as a whole bunch of Trump's cabinet picks are about to be subjected to some degree of scrutiny during Senate confirmation hearings. More details about this sickening confederacy of kleptocrats, coming soon!
  • Meanwhile, in the UK, the ongoing Brexit debacle continues to wreak havoc, and how are the right-wingers over there reacting to the unavoidable consequences of their own little Trump Lite race-based mini-tantrum? Why, by BLAMING THE MEDIA, of course! Because of course they would.
A DEEPER DIVE
  • At the Golden Globes award show on Sunday, a handful of entertainment industry professionals decided to use the media attention afforded them as a platform to express their thoughts about the ongoing state of the union, thus triggering a near endless supply of tantrums from the whiny, reactionary crybullies of the Far Right Mediasphere. You know, I always find it ironic when self-described "conservative" pundits--people whose entire job consists of having and expressing an opinion--try to say that everyone else should keep their opinions to themselves. 
***

SUGGESTED READINGS

1. This Politico feature article, sub-titled "How an 89-year-old Cold Warrior became America's Nuclear Conscience", is absolutely hair-raising, beginning as it does:
At this naked moment in the American experiment, when many people perceive civilization on the verge of blowing up in some metaphorical sense, there is an elderly man in California hoping to seize your attention about another possibility. 
It is that civilization is on the verge of blowing up in a non-metaphorical sense.
William J. Perry is 89 now, at the tail end of one of his generation’s most illustrious careers in national security. By all rights, the former U.S. secretary of Defense, a trained mathematician who served or advised nearly every administration since Eisenhower, should be filling out the remainder of his years in quiet reflection on his achievements. 
Instead, he has set out on an urgent pilgrimage. Bill Perry has become, he says with a rueful smile, “a prophet of doom.”
Read it. Just do it. And pass it along to people whom you deem worthy.

2. Within the very title of his righteously indignant and meticulously argued Mother Jones essay, Kevin Drum rips apart a recent Los Angeles Times editorial. He goes through the article, line by line, and mercilessly dissects it, simultaneously asking, then answering, the following question: "Did Putin Swing the Election to Trump?" His answer? "Of Course He Did." I love this kind of thing, where someone rebuts another person's writing in a thorough and methodical way, taking apart flawed or misleading arguments, piece by piece, exposing the bullshit. I think my own most successful attempt at writing something like Drum's piece was my response to the Washington Post's Richard Cohen's ridiculous attack on Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11, which I called "Requiem for a Self-Loathing Liberal". It is still among my favorite pieces of my own writing. 

3. The band Shytegeist has released its first video, It's called "I am Waiting." Words are by Lawrence Ferlinghetti, and is read by Matt Aston. There's a lot of hard-hitting celebrity talent joining in. Enjoy.


***
QUOTE OF THE DAY

"I suppose I'll be able to say that I won at the last ever Golden Globes. I don't mean to be gloomy, it's just that it has the words Hollywood, foreign and press in the title."

- Meryl Streep got all the media attention, but the funniest comment of last night's Golden Globes, in yer old pal Jerky's opinion, came from international treasure Hugh Laurie, who put his British wit to good use while accepting the trophy for Best Supporting Actor in a TV Movie or Limited Series for "The Night Manager", which I hear is pretty good.

DDD EXTRAS
  1. If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on the 9th day of January, check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog.
  2. A "hilarious" misunderstanding involving a conservative who fought tooth and nail against Obamacare because he thought it was messing with his beloved Affordable Care Act. Beautiful irony, man... just beautiful.
  3. A guest editorial by Daily Dirt veteran contributor A.C. Doyle serves as a fitting farewell and a nice tribute to the One Democrat Who's Got a Reason to Look Forward to the Inauguration.

THE TAKEAWAY

The credibility crisis has reached critical mass. Solutions?

GOP BS ABOUT ACA LEADS TO SNAFU FOR POS


Saturday, January 7, 2017

ONE DEMOCRAT WHO'S GOT A REASON TO LOOK FORWARD TO THE INAUGURATION

a guest editorial by A.C. Doyle

Shine on me sunshine, walk with me world, it’s a skippidy-doo-dah day,
I’m the happiest girl, in the whole U.S.A.
Donna Fargo sang that in March of 1972. Forty-five years later, at about 9:15 AM EST, on Friday, January 20th, there’ll be another young American woman feeling that exact same way. Her name is Malia Ann Obama.

She’ll be in the middle of her “Gap Year”. And nobody will care. Bill O’Reilly won’t take her to task for being a lazy no-account monkey child. Sean Hannity won’t make fun of her muscular arms. Rush Limbaugh won’t call her a slut who should be holding an aspirin between her slutty knees to keep them slutty shut. Ann Coulter won’t call her ugly. And Glenn Beck won’t complain that her donated dress cost the mythical taxpayer $20,000.

And then she’ll matriculate at Harvard, when the leaves start to turn. Her uncle Craig was the coach of Division I Oregon State, and taught her some nifty footwork in the paint. She might play varsity hoops as a freshman. She’s also a talented tennis player, volleyballer, and dancer. With both English and Math SATs north of 700. By way of comparison, Dubya got into Yale with under 1100 combined, and Al Gore got into Harvard by barely breaking 1100. So any whisper of her not deserving her admission is flat-out racism, and nothing but. This young woman could kick Tricia Nixon’s, Amy Carter’s, Chelsea Clinton’s, and Caroline Kennedy’s ass, from court to classroom!

And give Jenna and Barbara Bush some substance abuse counseling. Which segues us nicely to cocaine and abortions.

Has there ever been a teenage girl under such scrutiny? Not since Joan of Arc, perhaps, or Miley Cyrus.  In this age of social media, with privacy-negating services like Instagram and SnapChat, the President's many detractors have had eight years to "catch" Malia. 

Doing a bonghit, sipping a beer, smoking a Newport, kissing a white boy, kissing a black boy, heaven forefend kissing a Latino boy, barfing, having a snooger in her nostril, squatting to pee, putting on deodorant, showing camel-toe through her dance leotard, having sweat stains on her armpits, chewing with her mouth open, falling on a patch of ice, having melted ice cream on her chin that looks like sperm, being six pounds overweight, having zits, saying something catty under her breath, saying “niggah”, dancing to a vulgar rap song, bossing her roommate around, losing at chess – seriously, you name it. The slightest indiscretion or embarrassing moment would have been splashed all over the Internet, with 18 million views and 35,000 virulently racist comments, in a busy eight or ten hours.

And what has the press chosen to pounce on?

Well, you all must remember that terrible scandal when her class at Sidwell Friends Academy had a trip to Mexico. Yes, THAT Mexico. The one to our south. By law, Secret Service agents had to accompany her, and they did. And do you know what happened? Someone had to pay their salary while they were doing their job. And the Unites States government did just that. Shocking, I know.

And then some designers donated dresses to Malia. For state events. They were proud to do so, and she looked lovely. And no taxpayer paid one ten thousandth of a cent. But it was still a scandal, and the Obama family were clearly freeloading on poor Ralph Lauren or Donna Karan.

And? And??? AND?!?!?!?!?!?!? 

Crickets. The teenage girl went to Mexico once, and she wore some pretty dresses now and again. That’s the very worst that the rabid FOX Media Machine and its even loonier satellites--like Breitbart, Newsmax, WND and The Blaze--were able to come up with. Over eight years.

So, quick show of hands, who wants their kids to be more like Malia Obama? As opposed to…ohhh… let's say, Eric Trump? Although I must say, spending the majority of the funds raised by your "cancer charity" to boost your Dad’s failing businesses is truly an impressive display of generosity. Filial piety writ large.

But as of Friday night, January 20th, 2017, Malia Ann Obama can go get herself a 'scrip for the Pill, make out with a handsome Mexican boy, spark up a fat doober and take a few swigs of Jack Daniels, dance crotch to crotch, offer up opinions as to why white people suck, say "fuck" and "shit" and tell a few racy jokes, elbow the young woman guarding her on the basketball court, blast Kanye or Jay-Z on her stereo, wear something cut low, or too tight, or just really comfortable and frumpy, and just be a fun smart strong beautiful young woman.

And if L’Oreal or CoverGirl wants to give her a million-dollar contract, it will be the best million they ever spent.

I’m happy for her. 

Malia Obama, when seen in its proper context, this inauguration will be tailor-made, just for you. Enjoy it, and all the new freedom you'll have.

***
A.C. Doyle is a raconteur, bistro cook, travel writer, epidemiologist, and erstwhile healthcare technology guru. Born into a sprawling Irish family in New England's toughest city, the boxing Mecca of Brockton. MA, where the police deal the best cocaine and the high school installed the county's first metal detectors, he snuck off to the country's toniest educational institutions, where he developed a deep abiding fear of trust funds and Episcopalians. He has traveled to over eighty countries, been jailed for smuggling at the Texas border, expelled from the country of Belgium, and currently works in a bistro 8500 feet up in La Sierra Gorda. The common thread running through his many failed romances is his annoying behavior. He currently serves as catnip for fat, mustachioed, middle-aged women on Mexican Match.com. He also gets along well with children, dogs, drunkards, and fools.