Monday, March 14, 2011


Anyone who’s spent any time in a bookstore recently, or taken the time to observe the reading habits of their fellow public transit travelers, has to be aware that deceased Norwegian crime journalist Stieg Larsson’s “Careless Girl” trilogy of novels is the pop-lit sensation of the day.

The Girl Who Played with Fire, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest are all pretty much ubiquitous these days. With the Nordic film trilogy smashing all European box office records and a North American cinematic re-boot currently being helmed by superstar director David Fincher, the probability of a series of posthumous sequels to be written by Larsson’s family and/or hired-gun ghost writers looking to feed the appetites of the notoriously undiscerning and easy-to-please fan market becomes more inevitable with every passing day.

That’s why yer old pal Jerky thinks the time is ripe to suggest some titles for these sequels, which – if we’re lucky – will continue to chug along in the fine literary tradition established by the post-Fleming Bond novels, the dozens of Dune novels published after Frank Herbert’s death, and all those Middle Earth books published by the estate of J.R.R. Tolkien.

Recently, Larsson's commonlaw widow - who was screwed out of any inheritence because she and Stieg never married because if they'd married Stieg would have had to disclose his home address and if he'd disclosed his home address he would have put both himself and his family in peril as he'd made many dangerous enemies in his days as a crusading anti-fascist reporter in Sweden - has claimed that she is in possession of a nearly completed but untitled manuscript for a fourth "Girl" novel. Now, whether this is true or just a ploy to secure some kind of settlement from Stieg's estranged biological family - the damn thing still needs a title. Come up with a winning title and you're pretty much half-way there! And so it is in the spirit of benevolent bonhommie that I present to you all the first Daily Dirt Top 13 List of the New Millennium...


13. The Girl Who Ran With Scissors
12. The Girl Who Didn’t Use The Handrail
11. The Girl Who Swallowed Gum
10. The Girl Who Never Flossed
9. The Girl Who Crossed The Road Without Looking Both Ways First
8. The Girl Who Didn’t Close Lid Before Striking
7. The Girl Who Combined Common Household Cleaners
6. The Girl Who Ordered Her Hamburger Medium Rare
5. The Girl Who Removed the Tag From Her Mattress
4. The Girl Who Wore White After Labor Day
3. The Girl Who Went Swimming Less Than One Hour After Eating
2. The Girl Who Counted Her Chickens Before They Were Hatched
1. The Girl Who Got Screwed by Sweden's Fucked Up Estate Laws


  1. The Girl Who Lost Her Return Receipt
    The Girl Who Was Texting And Fell Into The Fountain (or: Those Who Sue For Any Stupid Reason)
    The Girl Who Wore Mis-Matched Socks (h/t to my granddaughter who does this)
    The Girl Who Didn't Check Her Tire Pressure
    The Girl Who Wouldn't Balance Her Checkbook

    That's it for now, gotta go to bed. g'night dear Jerky!

  2. Good to see you back MOPJ!
    Some tales of primitve stupidities here -

    The Girl who Walked under Ladders
    The Girl who Ignored a Magpie
    The Girl who Rode a Bus on Friday the 13th
    The Girl who Wouldn't Believe her Parent's Accounts of an Omnipotent Deity

    And some stories of mortal health risks -

    The Girl who Mixed Proteins and Carbs
    The Girl who Skipped a Day at the Gym
    The Girl who Ate two Big Macs
    The Girl who Had Bareback with a Nigerian Rent-Boy*

    *This may actually be dangerous

    Kindest Regards
    YOPJ Skid (Remember me?)

  3. The Girl Who Crossed The Streams
    The Girl Who Went Ass-To-Mouth
    The Girl Who Didn't Diversify Her Stock Portfolio
    The Girl Who Didn't Read The Daily Dirt
    The Big Girl Who Did Cry

    YOP Devil Man

  4. The Girl Who Didn't Chew 30 Times Before Swallowing.
    The Girl Who Didn't Stay Hydrated.
    The Girl Who Didn't Wash Her Hands After Using the Restroom Before Returning to Work.
    The Girl Who Didn't Save Before Closing.
    The Girl Who Didn't Turn Off Her USB Devices Before Unplugging Them From Her PC.
    The Girl Who Didn't Buy the Extended Warranty Plan.
    The Girl Who Undercooked Her Meat.
    The Girl Who Drank Expired Milk.
    The Girl Who Left Her Drink Unattended at the Bar.
    The Girl Who Wore the Same Dress as Some Other Lady at the Party.
    The Girl Who Peed in the Pool.
    The Girl Who Didn't Get Her Oil Changed.
    The Girl Who Didn't Wash Before Wearing.
    The Girl Who Didn't Put the Seat Down.
    The Girl Who Had an Infected Hangnail.

  5. The Girl Who Wore Last Year's Manolo Blahniks

  6. The Girl Who Who Wore a Likeness of Her Mom's 92 yr Old "Boy-Friend" as Her Newest Tattoo.