Tuesday, March 29, 2011


  • Remeber the bleeps? Remember the bloops? Remember all those stupid little hand-held electronic games we used to play back in the backseat during cross-country drives, back in the days before electronics companies started fitting fully immersive first-person shooters and free-roaming sandbox games with HD video and dodecaphonic sound on consoles so small that yer old pal Jerky could easily hide one of them in the fold of fat under his left side-boob? No? Well, I sure do. I hated those fucking games. They sucked diarrhea through a see-through straw. And yet, some incorrigible giga-geek out there in pixel-land went ahead and created a beautiful interactive website that lets you relive those not-so-Glory Days by playing those crappy little Stone Age relics on your very own home cum-pew-turr! Enjoy! I know I won't.
  • As though we needed an official ruling on this... turns out that tea-bagging, broom-riding uberskank Christine O'Donnell (R-Psycho) is totally wrong about the whole masturbation thing! Playing a little Five-on-One is actually good for you! And, as an added bonus, it's good for your sperms, too! Of course, that's just a bunch of egghead scientists' opinion, so you might want to take that story with a grain of sodium chloride. I mean, experts, right? What the hell do THEY know?! 
  • I would personally like to bid a fond farewell and wish a "bon voyage" to my fellow former online muck-raker Joe Bageant, a fine writer and a genuine gentleman redneck. Yer old pal Jerky used to steal from Joe's writings on something like a regular basis back in the Daily Dirt's heyday. Compounding my sin, I also used to spell his name wrong, French-ifying it into something like "Bangeant". Sorry Joe. Anyway, now the man is gone, and the world of online opinionating is definitely the poorer for his passing. You can read his final message to the world here, and I urge you to do so.


  1. Playing a little Five-on-One makes the baby Jeebus cry, Jerky - you know that

  2. Reading that Joe Bageant piece made me feel like the time King Crimson opened for TOOL and when TOOL took the stage Maynard, their front man, said:

    "Well, now you know where we've been stealing from..."

    You're still top-notch Jerky, and I can see why you liked him and let his writing influence yours.