Saturday, January 7, 2017


  • The Electoral College has now finally made it officially, officially, official: Donald Trump "won" the election. When a small number of Democratic House Members, in response to a scathing bipartisan investigation that found at least 50 Trump electors voted illegally, attempted to enter their objections into the public record, the Republicans cut off their microphones. Expect a lot more of this.
  • You should also expect a lot more things like what happened after Trump's intel briefing on Friday about how Russia helped get him elected. After spending most of this week crowing that he knew something others didn't, now the only thing he wants to know is how come somebody at NBC might have known something he didn't know before he even got a chance to know it! It's all so confusing... only it's not. It's actually really fucking simple. And obvious. And potentially catastrophic. Also, see our Quote of the Day for more irresponsible speculation on my part.
  • A US military veteran apparently opened fire at an airport in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, killing five and wounding eight before being shot, then taken alive, by police. Others were wounded in the ensuing chaos, which lasted for hours. Not to be dismissive or cynical or anything but to be perfectly honest? Big fuckin' whoop.
  • Apparently Americans are going to have to pay for "that fucking wall" after all. 
  • We had a brief DDD update earlier today about how Julian Assange and WikiLeaks have revealed themselves to be utterly lacking in both credibility and honor when it comes to Trump and Putin.
  • By the way, the Russia/WikiLeaks connection began long before the 2016 election,
  • Conservatism as Serious Mental Illness, Exhibit #534,510: Dan Close, the Dewey, Oklahoma high school history teacher who has spent the last few years publicly calling for a genocide against Muslims, spouting and inciting hatred against LGBTQ people and damning them to Hell, alleging President Obama is a secret Muslim, and accusing First Lady Michelle Obama of secretly being a man in drag. Yeah, I know... "shaming culture" can have shitty unintended consequences. But surely everyone can agree that someone publicly professing beliefs like these should not be allowed to teach history to children? Click on the link and look in his eyes. This fucker is a danger to himself and others, PERIOD.



1. I won't even pretend to understand most of what Paul Schmelzing says about how bond market trends might indicate a looming fiscal disaster in his essay, Venetians, Volcker, and Value-At-Risk: 88 Years of Bond Market Reversals, but some very smart people tell me it's pretty great, and maybe important. So yer old pal Jerky is going to take their word for it, and pass the savi- I mean the wisdom, along to you!

2. In case you weren't sufficiently disgusted by all of the above, here's a heart-warming little piece of investigative journalism looking into the increasingly popular practice of locking up the children of parents who are financially incapable of paying fines levied against them in the juvenile court system. Yes, that's right... America now has debtor's prison. For kids. SMHFMLSPSMITGDF.

3. Our old pal Keith Olbermann has a calm, collected, measured message for any of his fellow American citizens who may have cast their vote for Trump for some reason, and it's about what it feels like to realize when you're wrong about someone, and what it takes to prepare for that eventuality. It's actually kind of thoughtful and nice.


"While Russia, China, other countries, outside groups and people are consistently trying to break through the cyber infrastructure of our governmental institutions, businesses and organizations including the Democratic National Committee, there was absolutely no effect on the outcome of the election including the fact that there was no tampering whatsoever with voting machines."

- This part of Donald Trump's reaction to Friday's intel briefing feels like the part in the movie where everybody slowly looks at each other, their eyes growing wide, as someone says out loud what everyone is already thinking: "Hold on... WE never said anything about voting machines..." And Trump, realizing what he's just done, stands frozen with an invisible cock in his mouth--as he is oft wont to do--praying nobody starts looking too closely at recent financial transactions made by certain election supervisors working in Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Florida, and North Carolina this past November.


If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on this day in history, whether it's on Friday the 6th, Saturday the 7th or Sunday the 8th of January, check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog


The shit is flying fast and thick right now in this, the lead-up to what may ultimately prove to be the most disastrous work-week in modern American history. It's getting very tough to stay on top of everything.

PS - Send any messages, requests for advice, hate mail and other stuff to I'll be reinstating ASK JERKY and the FIRST AMENDMENT ZONE in the next few days.


  1. I think Blogger ate my comment. No worries -- can't wait for Ask Jerky! to make a comeback -- one of my faves of the old school days!

  2. It's time to get the band back together.