Wednesday, December 21, 2016


Every once in a while, I like to hand the reins over to friends, associates and assorted fellow travelers and let them "get they write on" as kids these days are wont to declare. Today's guest editorialist is my old pal Ima Pseudonym, who's been a steadfast friend and patron since back in the days when the Daily Dirt was actually a viable, ongoing commercially lucrative concern. Ah... those were the days. Anyhoo, I hereby leave you in his capable hands! - YOPJ

Dear Jerky;

On Friday, January 20, 2017, a cartoon villain from the 1980's is going to become Commander in Chief of the world's most powerful military, and roughly half of all Americans who turned out to vote are abso-fucking-lutely ecstatic over it.

I wish I could believe they were just so desperate for change, ANY change, that Trump is just some  random shit they threw at the wall to see if anything would stick. But that doesn't explain all, or even most, of it.

About 80% of evangelical voters came out for Trump, according to FiveThirtyEight. A vengeful, thin-skinned, narcissistic man-child with delusions of grandeur - a man with the charisma of an ambulance-chasing lawyer with bad body odor - became the GOP's Chosen One, and evangelical leaders swarmed to his banner like flies to shit. They all but commanded their faithful followers to vote for the bastard.

And they worked overtime to sell him, too, marking him with their stink so the pack wouldn't reject him. They overlooked his infidelity, blatant bigotry and over-the-top sexism, scary ties to corrupt foreign governments, delusional narcissism and greed that verges on psychosis. Aand that's not even counting the known crimes, scandals, multiple conflicts of interest, allegations of sexual assault, or the money he pissed away on vanity projects.

They banged on Benghazi like a drum and dug up every last bit of scandal with which to slam Hillary, even making up a few for good measure. Hell, they've had it in for her since Nixon's Impeachment! But their ultimate weapon was fear. Vote for Trump, lest "Antichrist Clitler" win.

Funny how the Right missed the forest for the trees. They were so busy looking for wolves in sheep's clothing, they failed to spot the wolf.

Half a century ago, the Birchers screamed that the Devil was in cahoots with the Russians. Now, it's the liberals' turn. If you'd told me that 20 years ago, I'd have said you were batshit.

And yet, here we are.

They don't care about Trump the Man, as long as he secures the Supreme Court for another generation. They'll overlook his sins and hail him, even as they prepare to call another Constitutional Convention, America's cheat codes.

They love power, they love Putin, they love Marshal Cheetoh. The right loves their strongmen, after all. Everything else is negotiable.

Not too surprising, I suppose. The only thing the Right worships is raw, naked power. Everything and everyone else are secondary. No one likes a loser, after all. But until now, at least they'd pay lip service. At least they'd pretend.

Now, the mask is off and all is revealed. That's the literal definition of "apocalypse," you know.

The Christian Right was tempted by Satan on the mountain, and unlike Jesus, they chose the world. Their souls were negotiable. They got what they wanted. The price might be missiles flying, but they couldn't give a rat's ass. They got their man on a white horse.

They just forgot to read Revelation 6:8.

Ima Pseudonym