DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY DEC/23-24-25/2016

THE MAIN EVENTS

• Despite frantic behind the scenes efforts to scuttle it, the latest UN resolution demanding an end to the building of settlements in occupied Palestinian territory was successfully passed when President Obama refused to use the USA's traditional veto against any and all resolutions critical of Israel. And boy howdy, is Netanyahu pissed! Just FYI, if you're pissing off both Trump and Netanyahu, it's a fair bet that you're on the right side of an issue.
• Speaking of being on the right side of an issue, President Obama doubled down on his Good Guy Cred today by ordering the Department of Homeland Security to dismantle the NSEERS Muslim registry that was put into place by the Bush administration after the September 11 attacks, so that Trump won't have access to it when he reaches the White House.
• Turns out yesterday's flippant comment about Trump trying to bring back the 80's by re-igniting the global nuclear arms race was disturbingly close to the truth, as recent tweets and public comments seem to indicate that's exactly what he's trying to do.
• Berlin vehicular homicide terrorist Anis Amri was spotted and killed by police on Friday after what is being described as "a routine spot check" in Milan. Expect to see this incident used as an excuse for increased police powers and a return to "Stop and Frisk" policies in the US.

A DEEPER DIVE

• Trump's ongoing meltdown over the fact that no big name celebrities are willing to show up for his inauguration has been nothing short of spectacular. Threats have been issued, bribes have been tendered, and the heads of staff have rolled, and yet still those tasked with scoring talent for the gig can't find any takers. And I won't lie to you; watching Trump's struggle has given me a certain measure of comfort. Yesterday, however, Trump took to Twitter and posted a cri de coeur so tragically transparency that it was almost heartbreaking in its lack of self awareness. Ladies and gentleman, I give the single most pathetic Tweet ever Twatted by a grown-ass man:

SUGGESTED READING

1. For a sweet bit of writing that educates as it entertains, you can do no better than this scorching screed by Joy-Ann Reid, which begins:

Welcome to Trumpworld, where unwilling Rockettes are forced to high kick in short skirts for the president’s pleasure while a creepy band of accused domestic abusers looks on and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sings solemn hymns in the background. Over in the VIP tent, a crew of gleaming Wall Street bankers and corporate raiders do Veuve Clicquot toasts to their plans to sell Yellowstone Park to capped-teeth mining magnates while finally freeing themselves from “social insurance and healthcare for the poor.”  

The casting call at Trump Tower will deliver a kakistocratic tour de force for our four-year reality show, including a vague send-up of J.R. Ewing at Foggy Bottom, the ghost of George Wallace gleefully ripping up copies of the Voting Rights Act at Justice, a pretty brown lady at the UN, a black guy doing “urban housing” and a paranoid Colonel Klink knock-off phoning Moscow to dish the latest conspiracy theories from the National Security desk in the West Wing.  

Let’s not forget the rumpled white nationalist gurgling in the president’s ear about never forgetting Euro-Christian civilization and our white-haired national preacher V.P. tut-tutting working women to embrace motherhood and let the men do the jobbing as his friends in Congress place their birth control on the high shelf.

And if you think the above it juicy, wait'll you get to what she writes about Trum's boys, Uday and Qusay! Enjoy!

2. A new song/video from Trent Reznor / Nine Inch Nails is always cause for celebration, in yer old pal Jerky's opinion. He's long been a favorite, and this new piece has me excited to see what else he's got planned for his listeners.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Obama catches mad cow disease after being caught having relations with a Herford [sic]. He dies before his trial and is buried in a cow pasture next to Valerie Jarret [sic], who died weeks prior, after being convicted of sedition and treason, when a Jihady [sic] cell mate mistook her for being a nice person and decapitated her. Michelle Obama. I’d like her to return to being a male and let loose in the outback of Zimbabwe where she lives comfortably in a cave with Maxie, the gorilla."

- Buffalo's own Carl Paladino, mobbed-up former Republican gubernatorial candidate for the state of New York - and associate of the equally mobbed-up President Elect - responds to a survey conducted by Art Voice in which various personalities were asked what they would like to see happen in the year 2017.

DDD EXTRAS

• King Dagobert II of the Merovingians is assassinated, the Federal Reserve Act is signed into law, the transistor is born, and the World Trace Center tops out, becoming the tallest building in the world! Plus more! All in today's edition of the Paracultural Calendar, over at our sister blog, Useless Eater.
• Ben Franklin arrives in London, "Silent Night" is first performed, the KKK is born, NORAD first tracks Santa's progress, the UK gets its own Roswell, and more! All in Saturday's edition of the Paracultural Calendar, over at our sister blog, Useless Eater.
• Charlemagne is crowned Holy Roman Emperor, Ukraine declares its independence from the USSR, the Huygens Probe lands on Saturn's moon Titan, and more! All in Sunday's edition of the Paracultural Calendar, over at our sister blog, Useless Eater.

THE TAKEAWAY

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Peace on Earth, and Good Will Towards All. Except Carl Paladino. He can go fuck himself.