Tuesday, November 8, 2016


1. The Rude Pundit has published his Final Word about tomorrow's election day, and wow... it's a fuckin' doozy. Entitled "Last Note to Trump Voters: You Are Wrong and You Are Shit and Your Candidate Is Shit", it begins:
If you want to waste some time in sad bemusement, you can read recent columns by open-hearted progressives and depressed conservatives, desperately trying to convince voters for Republican candidate and human whoopee cushion Donald Trump to change their minds. In the Washington Post, for instance, former Bush speechwriter Michael Gerson begs like a bitch, "In the end, a Trump victory would normalize the belief that the structures of self-government are unequal to the crisis of our time." Over in the New York Times, Thomas Friedman reaches out his friend hand to the Trumpsters: "I understand why many Trump supporters have lost faith in Washington and want to just 'shake things up.'" But, Friedman assures them, Trump's "policies won’t help them. Trump promises to bring their jobs back. But most of their jobs didn’t go to a Mexican. They went to a microchip." It's so kind of them to try to help their fellow Americans make such an important decision. 
However, none of these rational editorials rationally laying out how irrational a vote for Trump is even approach understanding the Trump voter. They miss one big goddamn thing: The very things they think should convince sane people to turn against Trump are the very things that Trump voters love about their orange cult leader. You aren't dealing with anyone with reasonable intelligence or the ability to process logic, so stop trying. Trump voters are shit humans, so obviously they want a shit human for president. And your oh-so-good points about how terrible Trump is are wasted on such shit.
Gorsh, Rudy! Why doncha tell us how you REALLY feel?! A-hyuck!

2. A couple weeks ago, I came home to find that every apartment in my building had been visited by the "Your Ward News" fairy... you know, the supernatural being who flits around the city, hand-delivering free copies of the most batshit insane publication in the history of printed media? "Hoorah!" I thought to myself as I scanned its bonkers pages filled with the most over the top racist, sexist, anti-Semitic drivel this side of Der Stürmer! "Just the thing to while away those otherwise wasted minutes on the shitter!"

So... what modern day Julius Streicher is responsible for this tabloid, which could serve as Exhibit B by anyone wishing to make a case that the Western World is undergoing an acute mental health crisis*? Why, it's none other than Dr. James Sears, mild-manered alter-ego to notorious Canadian Pick Up Artist Dimitri the Lover!

Look, I know it's all a lot of weirdness to absorb in one go. Just trust me that, if you're one of the growing minority of people who've come to realize that the allegedly resurgent Far Right has already reached Peak Pathetic, Your Ward News will provide lulz aplenty! It quite literally argues against its own political stance via reductio ad absurdum. And the best part is... one issue is all you'll ever need! I realize nothing beats the sleazy realism of dirty newsprint rubbing off on your fingertips, but you cheapos can download a free copy now, from their website. Remember, this stuff is ideological dynamite, so handle with care!

3. And what better way to end this Suggested Reading List than with a flurry of sad, disturbing, and yet still somehow lovely cartoons? Enjoy.

* Exhibit A is the Trump ascendancy.


  1. Not all of us have forgotten you, Jerky.

    Looks like you might need to come out of semi-retirement soon. Your work is not yet done.

  2. Thanks, I'm only seeing your comments now, and they're lighting a fire under my arse!