Tuesday, November 8, 2016


It all started when a bunch of Trumpniks on the chans decided that the liberal biased lamestream media were dragging their feet in analyzing Wikileaks’ cache of Podesta emails, probably to protect Hillary Clinton from all those shocking revelations everybody knows are in there if you know how to look. So they decided to do it themselves, going over all those emails with a fine-tooth comb.

Eventually, they came across emails that seemed odd to them, including some that made allegedly cryptic references to pizza. There are a handful of these emails, but the one that really set the antennae on their tinfoil hats to twitching was this one from a friend of John Podesta, thanking the long-time Clinton associate and his wife for that year’s Christmas present:
To: podesta.mary@gmail.com, john.podesta@gmail.com
Date: 2015-12-24 18:40
Subject: Cheese
Mary and John
I think you should give notice when changing strategies which have been long in place. I immediately realized something was different by the shape of the box and I contemplated who would be sending me something in the square shaped box. Lo and behold, instead of pasta and wonderful sauces, it was a lovely, tempting assortment of cheeses, Yummy. I am awaiting the return of my children and grandchildren from their holiday travels so that we can demolish them.
Thank you so much. I hope you and your gang are well.
I miss you both
Best wishes fro a merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Ps. Do you think I'll do better playing dominos on cheese than on pasta?

Upon reading the above email, the chan crowd decided that they’d stumbled across evidence of a child sex ring. How did they come to that conclusion? Well, by pointing out the presence of multiple “pedophile codewords” in it, such as pizza for girl, cheese for little girl, pasta for little boy, and sauce for orgy. There were other alleged code-words, too, culled from other emails; hotdog means boy, for instance, while walnut means child of color, ice cream means male prostitute, and map means semen.

Speaking of maps, I think mapping out some of the individuals and connections identified by these self-appointed Sherlocks might be a worthwhile and illustrative endeavor. Keep in mind that this story is metastasizing on an hourly basis, with new libels being hurled at more and more individuals with each tick of the clock, so the following is, by necessity, woefully incomplete.
  • Tony Podesta is a Washington lobbyist and big time art collector.
  • Tony's brother is John Podesta, a long-time Washington insider who has worked with the Clintons for decades.
  • The Clintons, through The Clinton Foundation, solicited funds from self-made billionaire financier Jeffrey Epstein.
  • Epstein, it turns out, is sexually attracted to teenage girls.
  • On multiple occasions, Epstein used his private plane to ferry young girls to and from his private island.
  • The Clintons and Epstein became social to the point where both Bill and Hillary (along with a great many other people, including Stephen Hawking for instance) flew on Epstein's private plane to visit his private Island.
So ultimately, the connections flow as follows:

Epstein is a convicted statutory rapist.

Epstein knew the Clintons.

The Clintons employ John Podesta.

John Podesta's brother is Tony Podesta.

Tony Podesta owns art.

Some of the art collected by Podesta could possibly be mistaken for witchcraft and/or Satanism by... well, uncultured simpletons, to be blunt.

All of the individuals mentioned above have, at some point, eaten pizza.

Pizza is a secret pedophile code word, because Cheese Pizza has the same initials as Child Pornography.

Oh, and don't forget Jimmy Saville!

Which means they're all a bunch of baby-eating Satanists.

And there you have it. See how neatly all the puzzle pieces fit together? Personally, I just want to know how Kevin Bacon fits into all this.

I jest of course, but this goofy bullshit is getting dangerous. And trust me, it is goofy bullshit.

For instance, that list of alleged pedophile code-words? It’s the product of circular logic, a textbook case of tautology, because it had been BACK ENGINEERED from the very emails that they claim contain all these code-words. I actually watched this whole ridiculous spectacle unfold as it happened, in real time.

First, I watched as one idiot pointed out that some of these Podesta emails seemed suspicious. 

Next, another idiot cobbled together a list of “potential pedophile code-words” based on those emails. 

Shortly thereafter, a THIRD idiot chimed in with the terrifying revelation that - HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS! - he had discovered a whole bunch of those pedophile code-words scattered throughout the Podesta emails!

If this goonery had remained on the chans, or on the Trumpkin safe-zones of reddit, nobody would have cared. Those places are like septic tanks… you expect to find shit when you look inside. But things soon got out of hand, with the shit splashing everwhere - first at the usual online conspiracy sites, most of which have unfortunately transitioned towards full-blown hardcore fascism over the last little while, but then reaching Twitter, Facebook and Youtube.
In no time flat, literally thousands of dangerous idiots were helping spread the word that members of the Clinton campaign had been caught red-handed taking part in Satanic Pedophile Sex Cult rituals. And widely read outlets like Drudge, InfoWars and Breitbart helped vector these ideas into the mainstream. Even FOX News got in on the act, with reports on this topic from their Number Two (in more ways than one), Sean Fucking Hannity.

And why are they doing this? To help Make America Great Again?

We are beyond mere madness at this point; fathoms beneath rock bottom. This kind of rhetoric is the beginning of nothing less than a return visit of the same dark spirit that gripped Nazi Germany, which led its own hot war against “degenerate art”, only this time it’s gussied up in the 17th century trappings of Salem, Massachusetts.

Don’t take my word for it. You can verify all of this for yourself on Twitter, where proponents of this idiocy are using the hashtag #SpiritCooking to coordinate their harrassment campaign.

#SpiritCooking is a reference to the work of legendary performance artist Marina Abromavic, who has indeed on occsion produced confronting, difficult work… something for which she has rightfully been celebrated over the years.

As mentioned in my rundown of the alleged conspiracy, John Podesta’s brother Tony is a big deal in the art world, and he’s been both a friend and a patron to Ms Abromavic. In one email, Abromavic invited the Podestas to a “Spirit Cooking” dinner. She claims it was an ordinary dinner with friends to celebrate a book launch, with no performance involved. The 4chan gang, however, has decided that Abromavic was likely serving up food made out of breast milk, menstrual blood, and semen - not unlike Aleister Crowley’s infamous “Cakes of Light” recipe.

Regardless of whether or not Abromavic, like the Beatles and Led Zeppelin before her, is influenced by Crowley’s work, there remains the somewhat mitigating factor that the Podestas did not attend.

Unfortunately, Ms Abromavic is now being hounded by thousands of fanatical simpletons vilifying her and accusing her of pedophilia, murder, cannibalism, and countless other atrocities. Wherever Google leads to her name, if there’s a comments section, Trump’s minions are there in their hundreds, a seething mob of dangerous imbeciles telling one of the world’s foremost artists that “she ought to be ashamed of herself”.

To say that the irony is staggering is to significantly understate the situation.

Similar patterns are developing around other people unfortunate enough to have had their names appear in the Podesta emails, on a much lesser scale; although the amazing Serb artist Biljana Djurdjevic is shaping up to be another principle target. Her penchant for painting disturbing tableaux that plumb the darkest depths of our collective unconscious, and of our species’ seemingly boundless capacity for evil, have been a source of great titillation among these self-appointed stormtrooping decency watchdogs who fail to realize that making people uncomfortable can actually be the whole damn point. 

And then there’s iconic Canadian artist Louise Bourgeois’s scuplture, Arch of Hysteria, which some are trying to say was modeled after one of Jeffrey Dahmer’s victims (pro tip… it wasn’t). I suppose it’s a good thing she passed away in 2010, or she’d currently be enduring a torrent of shit as well.

But hey, if taking part in an art world witch-hunt is a bridge too far for you, don’t worry… the ongoing neo-fascist Gish Gallop has something for everyone!

For instance, were you aware that “multiple reports” have now linked the Podestas to the high profile abduction of the young British tourist Madelaine McCann in Portugal, back in 2007!

This latest accusation is based on the following factors:

1. The Podestas are known to have been in Portugal at some point.

2. They currently sorta/kinda resemble a nearly decade old (and still unauthenticated) police sketch of potential persons of interest to the case.

3. The oldest email from John Podesta made available by Wikileaks is from May 5, 2007, literally one day after McCann’s disappearance!

This final point suggests, of course, that Podesta must have destroyed all the emails previous to that date, because he, his brother, and a vast underground network of art-loving pedophile Satanists had been using that account to plot their globs-spanning conspiracy to kidnap Madelaine McCann!

I know… it all seems so air-tight and rock solid, right?

Here’s the thing, though… the Wikileaks dump contains Podesta’s Gmail account. And Gmail only became available to the public on February 7, 2007. So what at first might have seemed like a 1/365 coincidence is in fact revealed to be nothing of the sort. Wikileaks doesn’t have any of Podesta’s Gmails from before May 4, 2007 because there were none.

It’s exhausting, I know. But, believe it or not, what I’ve written so far barely begins to scratch the surface. The mass psychopathy being put on display in the final days of this campaign for the White House is like nothing we’ve ever seen before.

As a veteran of countless flame wars and a long-time observer of these online ecosystems, I am well aware that some of these theories are being concocted by trolls, purely for “lulz”. But even if the people creating these memes don’t believe them - and some, like this self-described autistic mystic, definitely do - that doesn’t make them any less damaging to the process of civil discourse, which has recently reached its nadir.

It seems to me as though a confluence of factors have intersected to form a Perfect Storm. Reactionary feedback loops of unyielding ideological conflict wreak havoc on the participants, who never realize that they are under the increasingly totalitarian thrall of unimaginably complex systems.

But what if, beyond the unintended and poorly understood consequences of the paradoxical networked atomization of our still-dawning Total Surveillance State, The Powers That Be understand that a sufficiently complicated order is, to the human mind, indistinguishable from chaos? And what if, understanding that nothing makes people yearn for order quite like chaos… that is precisely what we’re being served?

Wouldn’t it look a lot like this?

More after the election. Good luck to you all… and be careful out there.
Yer old pal Jerky


  1. I decided to wade into the 4chan fever swamp to see how the fine folks at /pol/ were taking it.

    I was unsurprised by what I saw. Disappointed, yes. Surprised, no.

    The next four years--at a minimum--are going to be interesting. So my question is this: at what point in a fascist takeover is it normal to begin building an underground resistance movement?

  2. Whatever point it ends up being at, Ima, said building will have to occur 100 percent offline, that's for sure.

  3. You do realize that was not one of the emails that sent of bells and whistles at all. Have you even read the chan, wikileaks or twitter runs on this stuff?? You are so far off base.

  4. No, I am not far off base. I give a summary, and it is in need of an update, I'll grant you that, but nothing in what I wrote is erroneous. Their logic is purely circular, and their attempts at organizing vigilante witch-hunt gangs was rightfully put to an end. I will update this soon, but not because I made any mistakes. If anything, all the new material that has "come to light" only adds certainty to my take on this collective insanity.