Hey, gang! It's yer old pal Jerky, here. You know, this morning I got to thinking. "Jerky", I said to myself - only in my head, because I was thinking - "what were some of the things that you liked best about writing the Daily Dirt?"
Good question, me! Hmmm... Let's see. Was it the fame that opened so many doors for me in my career as a professional writer? Was it the vast fortune I was able to amass? Was it the beautiful, sexy young women who constantly and shamelessly flung themselves at my lard-encased carcass? Was it the fact that one of my biggest fans turned out to be a pharmacist who dispensed all the free prescription drugs I could gobble?
Well, obviously it was the drugs, of course. I mean, let's be real, here. And the chicks were a close second, I'm pretty sure... or, at least, they would have been, had there been any. The money was nice... and the fame, that was good, too.But mostly I'd have to say it was the drugs.
However, somewhere down that seemingly endless list of the things I liked best about writing the Dirt - nestled between my semi-annual wart scraping and the time I narrowly avoided getting beat up by Jim J. Bullock - is the fellowship... the sense of community that the Dirt seemed to engender among so many of its regular readers.
In other words, I enjoyed and appreciated all the friendships that resulted from writing the Dirt for all those years. And in thinking about ways to re-capture that sense of community, fellowship and belonging - of personal investment in this odd little corner of the Interwebs - I have decided to steal a page from the late, great Forrest J. Ackerman's book... literally.
You remember old Forry, dont you? He's the genius behind one of the most influential magazines ever to haunt yer old pal Jerky's childhood. That magazine was Famous Monsters of Filmland, and one of its regular features was Reader Photos in the Letters Department. Forry would run a reader's pic with the slogan: "WANTED! More Readers Like..." and then he would put their names.
It was cute, it was interesting, and it definitely fostered the sense that, by reading Famous Monsters, you were part of a larger community. A sad, sexless and extremely geeky community, but a community nonetheless. And by now I suppose that you can guess where I'm going with this.
That's right, smart-ass. I want YOU to send me your picture, so I can mess around with it in Photoshop, then publicly humiliate you in these very pages! Come on... you know you want to! Whether you've been reading the Dirt since Pig McBaker was writing it, or whether you only started up in the last few weeks, screw up your courage and send your photograph to firstname.lastname@example.org, and I promise to do immortalize you for as long as the Dirt shall live!
Hurry up and send those pics!