Sunday, April 17, 2011

DAILY DIRT FOR THURSDAY, APRIL 14, 2011


-----ENEMIES OF THE REPUBLIC 
DOSSIER #001: BILL O'REILLY-----


In yer old pal Jerky's opinion, Bill O'Reilly is one of the most inscrutable, mysterious players on the contemporary politico-socio-cultural stage. 

On the one hand, he's clearly a ridiculous ass-clown. He's a thuggish, pompous, preening caricature of a human being; a living illustration of conservatism's warped ideal of manliness. A know-nothing know-it-all, his clumsy lies -- which he mostly spits out off the cuff for fear of having his encyclopaedic ignorance exposed -- crumble under a bare minimum of scrutiny. He's a living paradox; a sexual predator who masquerades as an upstanding moralist, and an arrogant, slander-spewing bully whose own ego is of such crystalline fragility that any criticism directed towards him -- no matter how mild or undeniable -- is grounds for launching all out war.

In these wars, O'Reilly uses every weapon at his disposal. His prime-time perch on FOX News, his nationally syndicated, three-hour daily radio broadcast, his many books and his various newspaper columns have all served as ordnance in his personal battles against a host of blood enemies, including the dastardly likes of Al Franken, Keith Olbermann, the nation of France, people who say "Season's Greetings" instead of "Merry Christmas", and the very concept of Truth, itself.

And yet, despite all the times he's been exposed as a liar and a hypocrite, despite every failed frivolous lawsuit, despite every dark threat of physical retribution, despite every time he's come off as an unhinged psychopath on the edge of total mental collapse... there he is, day after day, night after night, occupying acre upon acre of prime real estate on our TV screens, radio airwaves and bookstore shelves.

The question begged is: WHY?! What possible purpose could it serve to have such a contemptible, shameless buffoon as one of the conservative movement's preeminent media personalities? Nobody with a shred of common sense or a modicum of human dignity takes Bill O'Reilly seriously. They can't, because he won't let them. O'Reilly swallows up all of conservatism's alleged character strengths and vomits them back up as perverse parodies of what they once were. Resoluteness becomes pig-headed obstinacy. Loyalty becomes blind obedience. Stoicism becomes shrill victimhood. Individualism becomes meddlesome pecksniffery. It's almost like FOX News is using O'Reilly as the human equivalent of one of those signs you see at the entrance to carnival rides: "You must be THIS STUPID to believe this shit."

Maybe that's it. Maybe by being so intolerably awful, O'Reilly and his ilk are helping to winnow the truth-hungry wheat from the unquestioning, herd-like chaff. Studies have shown that FOX News watchers know less about current events than people who don't follow the news at all. This apparent contradiction makes sense only if the purpose of FOX News isn't to inform, but to indoctrinate. And as the house organ of The Powers That Be, that's exactly what they're doing. They're leading by example, providing ready-made role-models for the day -- and if TPTB have their way, that day is coming soon -- when all those mindless, nihilistic couch-potatoes are called upon to serve as the citizen spies, conformity enforcers and concentration camp guards of tomorrow.

So you'd better get used to Bill O'Reilly's smug, blotchy face, because unless some drastic changes take place, it's the face of your future.



    -----JOKES OF THE DAY!-----

    - Today's first joke comes to us from our old pal Badshaash...

    Old Mrs Johnson is having her final portrait done by a renowned artist.
    Her instructions to him were; "Paint me wearing huge Diamond Earrings, a Fabulous Pearl Necklace, a Gigantic Ruby Pendant, a Colossal 20 Carat Tennis bracelet and a 20 Carat Emerald ring."
    The artist was surprised and asked "Why?"
    Mrs Johnson replied," My health is failing, I know my Husband's been screwing his young Secretary for a while now and will surely marry her once I'm dead and gone. I want the bitch to go insane looking for this Jewelry."

    - Today's second joke was sent in by Ozborn...

    Four guys and a woman are stuck in an elevator. While they are stuck, they strike up a conversation.
    The first guy says, "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E. , you know... "Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."
    The second guy says, "I'm a D.I.N.K.Y., you know... Double Income, No Kids Yet."
    The third guy says, "I'm a R.U.B., you know... Rich, Urban, Biker."
    The fourth guy says, I am a D.I.L.D.O., you know... Double Income, Little Dog Owner."
    They turn to the woman and ask her. "What are you?"
    She replies: "I'm a WIFE, you know... Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

    - Today's worst joke was submitted by our old pal Bald and Bearded Down Under, who ought to be ashamed of himself...

    A man goes to a Doctor complaining of painful urination and a discharge from his penis. The Doctor looks concerned, frightened even and takes a sample to the path lab to be analysed. I sorry to say he says on his return that you have a bad case of GASH.
    My God says the man what the hell is that?
    Well; says the Doc, it is a virulent combination of Gonhorrea, AIDS,Syphilis and Herpes.
    Jesus!! says the man, what's the treatment?
    We lock you in an isolation ward and feed you on a diet of crackers thin pizza and after dinner mints says the Doc.
    Christ!! says the man, does that cure it?
    We don't know says the Doc, but it's all we can fit under the door.

    -----THEY SAID IT!-----

    "You’re a journalist, and we all know journalists make bad politicians. Politicians know how to stick to a message. That’s how they are successful. Journalists think they always have to tell the truth."

    - This blog entry by Canadian libertarian/conservative politician Garth Turner gives us a little glimpse of the incredibly ugly face behind the pharmaceutically serene facade put forth by Canadian Prime Minister Screamin' Stephen Harper, whom Canadians seem to have forgotten is one of the most spiteful, vindictive, petty, thuggish, bullying and downright hate-filled politicians ever to reach the summit of Canada's political landscape. If this asshole ever gets a majority, it's pretty much Game Over for Canadian democracy as we have known it.

    -----ON THIS DAY!-----


    On April 14 in the year 966, pagan ruler Mieszko I of the Polans tribe converts to Christianity after marrying princess Dobrawa of Bohemia, a Christian. This event is considered to be the founding of the Polish state.

    On this day in 1816, a slave named Bussa leads a Spartacist rebellion in Barbados and is killed for his efforts. Bussa is now commemorated as the first national hero of Barbados.

    On this day in 1846, the Donner Party loads up its wagons in Springfield, Illinois, and begins the long trek west, for California. In Colorado, they get caught in a box canyon during a freak early winter storm. Cannibalism ensues.

    On this day in 1865, at roughly 10 PM, President Abraham Lincoln is shot once in the back of the head by popular stage actor, ardent secessionist and Confederate Secret Service agent John Wilkes Booth. Booth was part of a conspiracy of Confederate sympathizers who plotted the simultaneous assassinations of President Lincoln, Secretary of State William Seward and Vice President Andrew Johnson. Booth was the sole co-conspirator to succeed in carrying out his part in the plot. Although Seward was brutally slashed by Lewis Powell, he survived. George Atzerodt, VP Johnson's would-be assassin, lost his nerve and didn't even try. After shooting Lincoln, Booth beat a hasty retreat, but authorities caught up with him just before dawn on April 26. After a brief stand-off, the barn in which Booth was hiding was set on fire, then he was shot in the neck by Sergeant Boston Corbett, contrary to explicit orders that Booth be taken alive. Rumors persist to this day that the man Corbett shot was not Booth. Some believe Lincoln's assassin lived to a ripe old age under an assumed identity in Mexico. By mid-summer of 1865, 8 of Booth's co-conspirators were found guilty of taking part in the assassination plot, and 4 were hanged by the neck until dead.

    On this day in 1909, Armenians living under Ottoman rule in Cilicia experience a small foretaste of what history holds in store for them when Islamic counter-revolutionary forces go on a rampage, massacring between 15 and 30 thousand Armenians for the crime of supporting the region's secular, progressive Young Turk revolutionary movement. Before half a decade would pass, violence against the Christian minority Armenians would become so deadly and ferocious that historians would have to coin a new word to describe it: Genocide.

    On this day in 1912, at 11:40 PM, the RMS Titanic hits an iceberg in the North Atlantic. The ship sinks the following morning, killing 1,517.

    On this day in 1986, President Ronald Reagan orders major bombing raids against Moammar Gadafi's Libya in response to a West Berlin disco bombing that killed two American servicemen. 60 Libyans are killed in the raids, including one of Gadafi's adopted infant sons.

    On this day in 1988, roughly a decade after being tricked into an incredibly costly and morale-sapping invasion and occupation of Afghanistan by Carter administration National Security Advisor Zbigniew "Alphabits" Brzezinski, the Soviet Union signs an agreement pledging to withdraw its troops from Afghanistan during a United Nations ceremony held in Geneva, Switzerland.

    On this day in 2002, two days after a CIA-backed businessman's coup is overturned by an outraged citizenry, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez makes a triumphant and bloodless return to office.

    On this day in 2003, the Human Genome Project announces that it has completed sequencing 99% of the human genome to an accuracy of 99.99%. Let the custom-built New World Order Genocide Pandemics begin!

    -----ASK JERKY!-----

    Hi Jerky, Just read through Daily Dirt today and I have an "ask Jerky" for you. Obviously, without advertising you can't last for long. The last Daily Dirt was sponsored by Porn sites (so it seemed) and others, that don't seem to be here now. Have you become a "wowser" and not asked them "onboard", or is it "harder" to get their sponsorship now? Maybe you should try the "initiators" method and spam it, for both sponsors and receivers. Will the Dirt become a "delivered to your inbox mag" or stay as a log on if you remember item? Signed: Maurie (probably your only Aussie mate)

    "Thanks" for the "Ask Jerky" question, "Maurice"! Actually, you're "correct". The Daily Dirt WAS "sponsored" by "porn" sites in the past. But you see, the thing is, "this" is "not" the "Daily Dirt". It's the "Daily Dirt DIASPORA!" That's kind of a "big difference". Why? Well, because "this" website is totally "independent" of the "previous" one. And although I "loved" writing the "original" site, I'm writing this site purely for love... Know what I mean? So "making money" is absolutely a secondary "concern" for me at this point. As for the Dirt becoming a "delivered to your mailbox" thing, that depends on any number of "factors", including "cost", "effectiveness" and "reader interest". We'll just have to "wait" and "see"! In the meantime, "Cheers!" from yer old "pal" Jerky!

    2 comments:

    1. Yo, MOPJ, I like the piece on O'Reilly. Now that I have left the United States, and Fox News is just one of many foreign news outlets on my cable package, it stands out (together with SkyNews, which I think is also a rupert murdoch product) as low quality crap. When other news outlets are at least trying to deliver some information about the news events blowing up all around us, Fox is often engaged in some kind of masturbatory dialogue, like asking rudy giulianni about the bp oil spill. Seems to me that Fox is designed to breed a group of mouth-breathing, birther, brown shirts who can form the ground army in a Koch led fascist takeover of the US of A. Looks like North America is headed in to a solid double dip that will make the Great Depression seem like a cake walk, with no World War II to get out of the mess, as the military is already a bloated public employment program. Hope all's well. YOPJoe

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