CASUAL FRIDAYS WITH THE MAJORITY REPORT

DDD EXECUTIVE SUMMARY FOR FEBRUARY 7, 2017

MINUTIA AND INCONSEQUENTIA

• Good news, folks! The Illuminati finally got off their asses and set up an official website! Yer old pal Jerky has already looked into it for you, and I gotta say, it seems pretty legit. They're even selling this really snazzy black wooden pyramid thingy (pictured below) with three metal pendants hidden inside. At $70 per unit, enlightenment has never been so affordable!
• The offices of VICE have always reputedly been the scene of cocaine-fueled bacchanalia, but finding out former VICE Canada music editor Yaroslav "Slava Pastuk" Pastukhov used his influential position to coerce employees, interns, and young musicians into serving as drug mules for an international drug smuggling cartel? That's just... well... actually, nah. That's totally the kind of thing I always figured was going on behind the scenes there. 
• Neil Freeman has put together a beautiful map of the United States as redrawn with entirely new states, each of which has a population of roughly six million people. It's his way of dealing with the increasingly untenable problems associated with the electoral college. It also has the added benefit of being quite lovely, with evocative place names and a certain je ne sais quoi. 

***

SUGGESTED READINGS

1. Rolling Stone Magazine's list of the Fifty Greatest Progressive Rock Albums of All Time is an odd thing. On the one hand, it's a weird list, with some unforgivable omissions and a bunch of entries that, in yer old pal Jerky's opinion, don't really qualify as progressive rock... and I'm pretty loose and inclusive when it comes to prog! On the other hand, it's a great, eclectic bunch of albums, and brings attention to some very deserving and little known acts. So if you're interested in becoming a prog rock connoisseur (and who isn't these days?) this list should serve as a more than decent jumping off point.

2. All you foodies out there who love to indulge in “rare” and unique foods and delicacies that you can only get in certain parts of the world, sometimes only at certain times of year… please allow me to introduce the humble Madawaska ploye! The ploye is an extra special, hearty crepe (fancy talk for unflipped pancake) made with a special kind of buckwheat flour found only in the northwest panhandle of New Brunswick, and in nearby, neighboring regions in the US state of Maine and the Canadian province of Quebec... but not too deep into either! Yer old pal Jerky grew up eating these savory, spongy, dark yellow ployes, usually with a slathering of butter and a shmear of "cretons", which is another Madawaska delicacy, a fatty meat spread akin to head cheese, but a lot more... grey. It ain't pretty, but it's tasty. You can also eat them with molasses or maple syrup, if you have a sweet tooth.

3. Whenever yer old pal Jerky's academic background in Philosophy comes up, people are always full of questions. What is it, exactly, that's being studied? What qualifies one thinker as a philosopher and another as, say, a literary essayist? or a political scientist? or a critic of some sort? Doesn't anybody who lives by a credo, in effect, practice philosophy? Well friends, those of you who'd like to learn more about what it is, exactly, that philosophy students study, are in luck, because Wheaton College has generously made available the entirety of Professor Arthur Holmes' influential 81-lecture course, "A History of Philosophy", on Youtube, kicking things off with "Part One: The Beginning of Greek Philosophy", in which he comes to grips with some influential pre-Socratics:

This, my friends, is the good stuff, and indicative of the amazing things that the Internet is capable of. If you were to dedicate just an hour per day to the study of the history of philosophy, simply by watching Professor Holmes' course and taking notes while you do, you'd be finished in under three months! And you'd have a university-caliber introduction to the foundations of Western civilization under your belt. Furthermore, yer old pal Jerky guarantees that, if you take this course and make a good faith effort to understand it, a lot of things will, all of a sudden, make a lot more sense to you. In fact, I've been thinking of using Professor Holmes' course as the basis for a new, experimental website of sorts... an interactive sort of thing. Anyway, keep your eyes on this space for news!

***

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"The news is currently that spinning image of a newspaper, but it never stops spinning."

- Our old pal Conan O'Brien, cracking wise on the Twitter machine.

DDD EXTRAS

Our sister-site, the Useless Eater Blog, continues to provide you with all the low-down nitty-gritty on all the strange and savage goings on in the world of humans being human beings! Like for instance that time Savonarola made a bonfire out of all those vanities. Did you know that happened on this day, back in 1497? Hard to believe it was so long ago, isn't it? Ah well... such is life.

"YOU'RE IN FOR A BIG SURPRISE!"

WHILE I PREP MY TRUMP CABINET DOSSIER, ENJOY OUR OLD PAL MIKE MALLOY'S TAKE!

...AS YER OLD PAL JERKY SCRAMBLES TO KEEP UP...

WHERE THOSE EXECUTIVE ORDERS COME FROM

What a week it’s been! Like a diabolical infant colossus suffering from projectile diarrhea, Dear Leader Trump spent the last few days giving the rest of the world a taste of the foul be-shittening that Americans have suffered since his inauguration. 

Last week, for instance, he threatened to send military troops to "deal with" Chicago's crime problem; this week, we learned that he leveled similar threats against Mexico. Last week, he put federal employees on notice about their social media habits; this week, Iran was put on notice over a successful missile test (and by the way, congratulations, guys!). And of course, this week, we learned that during his call with Australian PM Malcolm Turnbull, Trump complained about a deal to accept twelve hundred refugees as the "worst ever", and said the call itself was the day's "worst by far". Last week, of course, Trump was busy being America's worst President ever, by far.

So you see how they all connect.

Not that choosing targets farther afield helped bolster Trump's approval ratings at home. In fact, the opposite seems to have happened, as everyday, more Americans appear to be waking up to the reality of this shared nightmare. One indicator of this is the fact that it's taken Trump exactly 8 days to slide into majority disapproval status... something no President in living memory managed to do before serving at least a few hundred days.

Whether Trump's historic plunge in popularity was entirely due to the fallout from the disastrously incompetent roll-out of his unconstitutional "Ban on (some) Muslims"--up to and including White House spokeslizard Kellyanne Conwoman's use of the (fictional) Bowling Green Massacre as justification for it--or whether it was something else, pollsters have yet to determine.

For instance, Americans may have been expressing their displeasure at Trump choosing to fill the Supreme Court vacancy stolen from President Obama with Neil Gorsuch, a 40-something Scalia clone who started a Fascism Forever club back in his prep school days. Of course, he now says he was kidding--which I suppose makes his college years some sort of perverse performance art project--so I'm sure it's okay. I mean, I'm sure no Republicans would have complained if, say, Justice Sotomayor had chosen to write "Viva la Reconquista!" in her high school yearbook, then spent her college years working to make Texas and California part of Mexico again... right? 

And by the way, what the fuck was up with that handshake?!

Unfortunately, most Americans couldn't care less who sits on the Supreme Court. So that probably isn't what caused Trump's approval ratings nosedive. Could it be because they discovered that Trump's plan to bestow "religious freedom" upon America involves creating "wholesale exemptions for people and organizations who claim religious objections to same sex marriage, premarital sex, abortion, and trans identity"? This, in the same week that he asked Jerry Fucking Falwell Jr to head up "a White House task force on reforming higher education"?!

Sadly, that probably wasn't it. It's far more likely folks didn't appreciate the way Trump used the 65th annual National Prayer Breakfast to put on a clinic for how to be a flaming asshole, by attacking Mark Burnett--who had just introduced him--and mocking ratings for The Apprentice ever since Arnold Schwarzenegger replaced him as the show's "boss", prompting this response from Arnold:

Then again, Americans love them some drama, so maybe the drop in Trump's popularity is just blowback from that botched Navy SEAL raid in Yemen.

What's that you say? You haven't heard about that botched Navy SEAL raid in Yemen? The one that led to the loss of SEAL Team 6 member William Owens and a $300M Osprey? The one that killed scores of innocent civilians, despite initial Pentagon claims of "no civilians killed"? The one that Trump okay'd over din-din? The one that was undertaken "without sufficient intelligence"? The one he didn't bother overseeing from the White House Situation Room, despite being in the White House at the time? The one described as "a disaster" by multiple government officials? The one that some Trump loyalists tried floating a "Blame Obama" tactic over, before having that tactic decisively slapped down, forcing them to switch narratives midstream and declare "Mission Accomplished!"? 

Yes, that botched Navy SEAL raid in Yemen.

It should be noted, however, that in the midst of all that human wreckage, Trump did at least get to fulfill one of his most beloved and oft-repeated campaign promises. He got to "take out" the family member of a suspected terrorist! That's exactly what happened when a bullet ripped through 8-year-old Nawar al-Awlaki's neck at some point during the raid. After reportedly suffering for two hours, Nawar was reunited with her big brother (and fellow American citizen) Abdulrhaman, who was killed alongside their father, accused Al Qaeda propagandist Anwar, in a drone strike authorized by the previous administration, back in 2011. 

So, you know, at least something about this raid went right.

SATAN, LAUGHING, SPREADS HIS WINGS

As for all the countless things that went wrong--including the non-stop farrago of lies about the op put out by the Trump administration, up to and including the bizarre release/retraction of a video they tried to claim was captured during the raid--surely we'll get to the bottom of things after a few hundred million dollars' worth of overlapping Congressional investigations. I mean, thank goodness the Benghazi hearings set such a high bar in establishing precedent for how to deal with this sort of thing. I can hardly wait to watch the fireworks on C-SPAN!

Hey! What's Trey Gowdy up to these days, anyway? I hear that dude is a real Rottweiler.

***

WHAT ABOUT BANNON?

1. Politico's Adam Wren sat through all the “documentaries” put out by the de facto US President Steve Bannon this week so you wouldn’t have to. So what did he discover? Well... let's just say that there are those who seem to think that Bannon is some kind of evil genius. Turns out they're half right.

2. Who knew that, back in the days before you could tell he was dying of long term alcoholic liver toxicity just by looking at him, de facto US President Steve Bannon was involved in Biosphere 2?! The folks at Motherboard have the inside scoop. You won't learn much about the project itself, which was "written off largely as a stunt, and not very good science to begin with", but what it tells us about one of the most powerful people in the world "could be the greatest finding of all."

3. Speaking of Bannon’s intellectual pedigree, were you aware that he's long been obsessed by a book touting a peculiar theory of history? As Linette Lopez explains in this Business Insider report...

In the book, authors William Strauss and Neil Howe theorize that the history of a people moves in 80-to-100 year cycles called "saecula." The idea goes back to the ancient Greeks, who believed that at a given saeculum's end, there would come "ekpyrosis," a cataclysmic event that destroys the old order and brings in a new one in a trial of fire.
This era of change is known as the Fourth Turning, and Bannon, like Strauss and Howe, believes we are in the midst of one right now. 

According to the book, the last two Fourth Turnings that America experienced were the Civil War and the Reconstruction, and then the Great Depression and World War II. Before that, it was the Revolutionary War. 

All these were marked by periods of dread and decay in which the American people were forced to unite to rebuild a new future, but only after a massive conflict in which many lives were lost. It all starts with a catalyst event, then there's a period of regeneracy, after that there is a defining climax in which a war for the old order is fought, and then finally there is a resolution in which a new world order is stabilized. 

This is where Bannon's obsession with this book should cause concern. He believes that, for the new world order to rise, there must be a massive reckoning. That we will soon reach our climax conflict. In the White House, he has shown that he is willing to advise Trump to enact policies that will disrupt our current order to bring about what he perceives as a necessary new one. He encourages breaking down political and economic alliances and turning away from traditional American principles to cause chaos. 

In that way, Bannon seems to be trying to bring about the Fourth Turning.

Knowing that a guy who believes all of the above--and who also believes that Sarah Palin, the Duck Dynasty guys, and Donald Fucking Trump are the best America has to offer--is now de facto President of the United States of America is enough to set even the stoutest knees to knocking. I think I speak for every sane human being on Planet Earth when I say: "Cirrhosis, don't fail us now!"

CASUAL FRIDAYS WITH THE MAJORITY REPORT

As yer old pal Jerky whips up the latest edition of the Daily Dirt Diaspora Report for y'all's intellectual delectation, why not spend a little time with our old pals at The Majority Report? I've been listening to these guys since the Dubya years, back when they were on terrestrial radio as part of the ill-fated Air American experiment in progressive radio (and any such effort that fails to find a space for Mike Malloy isn't worthy of the name), and with the minor exception of 7of the 8 years that Obama was in office, I've been listening ever since! To be honest with y'all, I listen to Sam Seder and his band of merry tricksters pretty much every day, as they're as close to my own stance, politically--in that they hate the Dum-Dum Left almost as much as they hate the Redhat movement--as I can find online.  Hopefully, so will you be too! 

THINKING HAPPY THOUGHTS ON FEBRUARY 1

THE QUESTION

After spending the better part of two days putting together the last edition for you guys (clip it and save it!), cataloging every shitty thing that happened in the first 10 days of Trump, I went into hibernation. And when I woke up, I was hungry. So I dragged myself over to my favorite Pakistani joint, where I’ve been a regular for years.

As my friend Abdul served my lunch, he sat down beside me and we started to talk. We’ve talked about politics on many occasions, going back to the era of Preznit Dubya. Despite working 12 hour shifts six days a week feeding a steady stream of hungry Torontonians, Abdul is well versed in world history. His take on world events is usually pretty savvy, and I've known him to be an admirer of shrewd plays, even by politicians he might not personally care for.

Today, however, he seemed genuinely puzzled. He was completely at a loss in accounting for Trump's post-inauguration moves. He was full of questions, most of which boiled down to this:

“Why has Mister Trump decided to begin his Presidency in this way? Why is he doing all these awful things? What is he hoping to accomplish?”

I thought about it for a moment. And then it came to me... it's because he’s got nothing else.

Trump’s campaign was erected on a twin platform of economic populism and nationalist demagoguery.

On the campaign trail, he promised to serve the former by “draining the swamp”, ridding Washington DC of the corruption that he claimed was the root of all America’s economic problems. In service of the latter, he promised to enact a raft of illiberal, racist, misogynistic, anti-Muslim legislation, designed to roll back decades of civil rights advances.

Thanks to his Billionaire’s Club cabinet picks and his transition team peppered with former Goldman Sachs executives, it is now painfully obvious to all but the most deluded Redcap cultist that Trump never had any intention of doing anything to help “the little guy”. As if the gold plated toilet bowls weren’t enough of a warning sign.

So basically, without the economic populism, nationalist demagoguery--sowing chaos left and right, fighting a running war against journalism, science, and reality, winking at the White Supremacists in his Amen Corner--is literally all he's got. 

Folks, it's usually at this point, in most Third World countries, that the population begins speculating on whose side the military is going to take. It's not a pleasant thought, but America's fate, and perhaps that of the world, rests with the few honorable, decent Republicans still left in the GOP after the Tea Party purges of the last 8 years.

I'm an atheist, and I've been praying every night this week. I suggest y'all do the same.

Sincerely,

Yer Old Pal Jerky

INFO CLEARING HOUSE

• John Gartner, a top Johns Hopkins psychotherapist, has decided to breach a longstanding ethics edict agaisnt issuing psychiatric diagnoses without meeting the person being diagnosed in order to sound the alarm about what he sees as Trump's potentially disastrous psychoses.
• Did you know that a Trump-connected dirty tricks operation was caught on camera soliciting violent and/or destructive acts from left-leaning, progressive protest organizations? This is actually a helpful illustration of how CNN is not just "the flip-side" of FOX News, because if it was, they would have covered this story for days on end.
• Are ALEC-backed legislators in state houses across the USA pushing for a surprise Constitutional Convention? It certainly looks like it... and the repercussions could be awful.
• Yer old pal Jerky has never been one to put particularly heavy stock in the idea that Presidents are responsible for the state of the nation’s economy, either for better or for worse. I think it's mostly luck, in either case. However, seeing as I see conservatives crowing about DOW 20,000, I thought I might as well burst their bubble with an explanation as to why there's actually not much cause for cheering in those numbers. 
• It's good to know that career foreign service officers aren't just standing around staring with dropped jaws and eyes agog while Trump makes an origami swastika out of the US Constitution! Instead, they've decided to issue a strongly worded memo! Through the "anonymous dissent channel" of course.
• With multiple arrests and at least one death in Russia's intel community now being connected to its creation and public release, the so-called "Steele Dossier" is looking increasingly credible. Which means Trump really is a piss freak. Interesting.

***

SUGGESTED READINGS

1. This Politico story, written by three people and arguing that "Trump's flashy executive actions could run him aground", seems kind of naive, perhaps missing the point--as discussed in this piece, which posits that chaos may be the entire point.

2. Here's another piece by Yonatan Zunger, this time describing what those who have been targeted by Trump and his minions--Muslims, immigrants, Latinos, Blacks, women, LGBQT, academics--can expect to have happen in the coming weeks and months: an acceleration of, and increase in, legislative provocation.

3. Another magnificent video by Vic Berger, this time, looking at Trump's announcement of President Bannon's pick for the Supreme Court, Neil Gorushisushushisush! Also see the Quote of the Day for more on this pick.

***
QUOTE OF THE DAY

"The illegal we do immediately, the unconstitutional takes a little longer."

- Henry Kissinger, as quoted by Trump's Supreme Court nominee, 
Neil Gorush, in his undergraduate yearbook photo.

DDD EXTRAS

• As always, be sure to check out our sister site, the Useless Eater Blog, for a daily rundown of all the weird stuff that happened on this day in history, every single day!

DONALD TRUMP - THE FIRST TEN DAYS

What follows is as complete a list as yer old pal Jerky is capable of putting together (without more time) of all the shitty things that Donald Trump and his administration have done in the ten days since he officially became President. Please keep in mind that this list is far from comprehensive. Also remember that most of these actions and policies have ongoing effects, both intended and unintended, creating an unimaginably vast and evolving fractal web of deception, injustice, and suffering. Please forgive the lack of graphics and the paucity of links. I don't think this entry really needs it. - YOPJ

***

THURSDAY, JANUARY 19 - THE PRELUDE

On this day, as he and countless city workers in Washington DC prepared for the next day’s inauguration festivities, Trump served up an ideological appetizer of sorts to his fanatical Redcap followers by announcing his intentions to cut off funding for the following programs and organizations:

• The Justice Department’s Environmental and Natural Resources Division
• The Justice Department’s Civil Rights Division
• The Justice Department’s Violence Against Women programs
• The National Endowment for the Arts
• The National Endowment for the Humanities
• The Corporation for Public Broadcasting
• The Minority Business Development Agency
• The Economic Development Administration
• The International Trade Administration
• The Manufacturing Extension Partnership
• The Office of Community Oriented Policing Services
• The Legal Services Corporation
• The Overseas Private Investment Corporation
• The UN Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change
• The Office of Electricity Deliverability and Energy Reliability
• The Office of Energy Efficiency and Renewable Energy
• The Office of Fossil Energy

So basically, women, minorities, teachers, artists, the environment and Big Bird were all told to go get fucked. Which, again, I’m sure played great with Trump’s target audience.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 20 - GROUND ZERO HOUR

Of course, it goes without saying that the very worst thing that happened on January 20th, 2017 is Donald Trump becoming the 45th President of the United States of America. Everything about the process itself was wretched: the weather, the attendance, the entertainment, the mood, the ceremony, Trump’s incredible speech… just everything, wretched through and through. But that’s already been chronicled in detail right here in these very pages, so let’s here’s some of the other awful shit that went down on this day:

• Trump ordered a “total freeze” on enacting federal regulations… and I know this might sound good to some of you, but check back soon because yer old pal Jerky’s gonna try to convince you why it shouldn’t.
• Every American diplomat serving abroad was suddenly removed, many still currently without successors, ten days later.
• Displeased that someone at the National Parks Service re-tweeted a photo comparing the size of his inauguration attendance to Obama’s, Trump imposed a stupid and dangerous nationwide gag order on all NPS social media. The gag was only lifted when the NPS Tweeted an apology.
• During protests in Washington DC, roughly 230 protesters were arrested and many are now facing historically unprecedented felony riot charges. Among those swept up during illegal police “kettling” were legal observers, journalists, and medics.
• Trump issued an executive order declaring that all federal departments had to “minimize the economic impact” of Obamacare, whatever that means.
• Trump issued an executive order cancelling an FHA mortgage premium cut that had saved thousands of lower middle class American home owners millions of dollars during the last few years.
• Trump signed a waiver allowing retired General James Mattis to become the new Secretary of Defense without having to wait the usual seven years before doing so.
• Trump issued an executive order declaring the day of his inauguration to be a "Day of Patriotic Devotion", which is totally normal and not at all creepy.
• The White House website was updated, taking down the previous administration’s pages on civil rights, healthcare, LGBTQ issues, and climate change and replacing them with sweet fuck all. 
• The White House website’s Spanish language version was taken down.
• The White House telephone comments line was shut down, and has been replaced with a Facebook page. So people have begun calling Trump’s hotels, instead.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 21 - TRUMP DAY 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

On his first full day as President--chronicled, along with his third day, in this update--more than three million women in the United States marched in solidarity against Trump and his policies. The following also took place:

• The Justice Department waived nepotism rules so that Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner could draw a salary as a White House employee.
• A delay was requested in the lawsuit over a Texas law requiring voters to present specific types of government-issued photo ID at polling stations.
• Twitter signed a bunch of people up to recieve messages from Donald Trump’s account, even after many had made efforts to keep that from taking place.
• Trump's choice for CIA director, Mike Pompeo, declared himself open to "revisiting" limits on "interrogation techniques", including waterboarding.
• Trump issued his first Presidential tweet, in which the first multisyllabic word was misspelled: “I am honered to serve you” etc.

This was also the day when White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer held his first ever press conference, a spectacular disaster during which time he:

• Lambasted the press over their (accurate) reporting on the size of the attendance at Trump’s inauguration.
• Declared that Trump’s inauguration had the largest audience of any in history, “period.”
• Lied about “Secret Service magnetometers”.
• Lied about how many people took Washington DC public transit on Friday.
• Lambasted the press some more over an innaccurate report that the bust of Martin Luther King Jr had been removed from the Oval Office--a reporting error that, despite being swiftly retracted and corrected when proven wrong--was seized upon by the entire Trump administration who bellowed about it for days, declaring it proof positive that everyone except FOX News and Breitbart (two outlets that almost never even bother to correct their copious errors) are “fake news”. 
• Capped off his debut performance as Press Secretary by not taking a single question and storming out of the briefing room in a huff.

Meanwhile, across town, Trump headed over to CIA headquarters where he gave a speech before the wall commemorating those who’d fallen in the line of duty. During this speech, Trump:

• Brought along group of 40 cheerleaders to cheer for him and laugh at his jokes during a speech that consisted mostly of complaints about the media.
• Forgot to give the “at ease” command before beginning his speech, leaving the assembled audience standing for his entire speech. He would later describe this to ABC interviewer David Muir as “a standing ovation”.
• Bragged about how awesome his inauguration was, particularly the record-setting attendance.
• Expressed regret that the US hadn't just taken Iraq's oil, then mused: "Maybe we'll have another chance."
• Came thisclose to asking how many in attendance had voted for him, before musing aloud that probably “almost everybody” had.
• Bragged about his superior intellect, which he apparently thinks that he inherited from an uncle.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 22 - TRUMP III: in 3D

On Sunday, according to Catholics and most Protestants, God rests. And apparently, so does Donald Trump, because Day 3 in Trump’s America was surprisingly uneventful, until:

• Administration officials floated the possibility of moving the US embassy in Israel from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem.
• The White House continued its semi-official blackout of CNN by refusing to send any representatives to take part in its Sunday magazine shows.
• On Meet the Press, senior White House advisor Kellyann Conway defended Sean Spicer’s lies on Saturday as “alternative facts”. You could hear heads exploding from coast to coast.
• Trump indicated that he would not be keeping his promise to release his tax returns once an IRS audit was completed because, according to him, "Nobody cares."
• During a meeting with the FBI, Trump appeared to blow a kiss to director James Comey. The two then hugged and patted each other’s backs. Odd behavior, indeed.

MONDAY, JANUARY 23 - DAY FOUR BRINGS A NEW LOW

On Monday, Trump and company really rolled up their sleeves and got down to the nitty gritty business of fucking shit up with the kind of devastating speed normally associated with category 4 hurricanes, or tropical typhoons, or tornadoes… not unlike the ones that took place on this day in Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and Georgia, killing twenty. Not that Trump noticed. As officials from those states begged desperately for help, it was all for naught. It turns out Trump already had his hands full doing the following:

• Enacting an “enhanced” version of the so-called global gag order, which defunds international organizations that even mention abortion as a medical option. Clearly, Saturday’s Women’s March was still nagging at him.
• Ripping up the already dead TPP, and making some noises about potential changes to NAFTA.
• Declaring that that the US will not tolerate China’s expansion onto islands in the South China Sea, essentially threatening war with China.
• Giving a group of business leaders 30 days to “come up with a plan” to help stimulate the American manufacturing sector.
• Instituting a federal hiring freeze (military excepted), causing chaos at the FDA and VA, shitting up a number of important ongoing federal programs, and generally making it obvious he’s got no idea what he’s doing.
• Being hit with a ethics lawsuit alleging him to be in breach of the Constitution’s emoluments clause for allowing his businesses to accept payment from foreign governments.
• Telling a number of lawmakers in a closed door session that he now believes up to FIVE MILLION people voted “illegally” in November’s election, thus costing him the popular vote.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 24 - DAY FIVE

On Tuesday, a most interesting and vexing day, we learned that Donald Trump:

• Had a portrait of Andrew Jackson--formerly the craziest maniac ever to serve as President--hung in the Oval Office.
• Threatened to impose martial law on the city of Chicago over Twitter because of something he saw on The O’Reilley Report, on FOX News.
• Resurrected plans for two controversial oil pipelines, Keystone XL and Dakota Access, which had been rejected by the Obama administration. 
• Underlined his approach towards environmental issues by ordering the EPA to remove climate change pages from its website.
• Further ordered all EPA employees to stop communicating with the public through social media or the press.
• Put a freeze on all EPA grants and contracts.
• Ordered the USDA to stop communicating with the public through social media or the press, and to stop publishing any papers or research. 
• Declared that, henceforth, all scientific studies and data collected by the EPA or the USDA would have to undergo “review” by political staff prior to publication.
• Asked James Comey, his kissy-huggy buddy who released unsubstantiated allegations concerning Hillary Clinton during the presidential campaign, to stay on as FBI Director.
• Tweeted a picture from his personal Twitter account of a photo he says depicts the crowd at his inauguration, and which he intends to hang in the White House press room. The photo is dated January 21st, 2017, the day AFTER the inauguration.

But the President wasn’t the only busy boy on Tuesday! Here's more of what took place:

• White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer confirmed that, yes indeed, President Trump does believe the lie that 3 to 5 million people voted “illegally” in the election, thus costing him the popular vote. This, despite the fact that there is ZERO evidence of any such voter fraud, which contrasts vividly with the mountains of evidence proving widespread disenfranchisement of minority voters in the swing states, where Trump's razor-thin margins secured his electoral "win".
• Republican House members presented HR7, a bill that would prohibit federal funding not only to abortion service providers, but to any insurance coverage, including Medicaid, that provides abortion coverage.
• Tom Price, nominated to lead the Department of Health and Human Service, characterized federal guidelines on transgender equality as “absurd.”
• North Dakota state congress began considering a bill that would legalize hitting and killing protesters with cars if they are on roadways.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25 - DAY SIX, SIX, SIX

If you thought Day Five was bad, wait’ll you get a load of Day Six! Because even before that evening’s exclusive White House interview with ABC News’ David Muir, that was the day when Trump:

• Continued to double down on his delusion that up to 5 million votes were illegally cast, calling for a “major investigation” into the matter, which observers quite legitimately fear will be the pretext upon which a whole new wave of voting restrictions will be implemented to make sure even fewer minorities and poor people get to cast their vote.
• Signed an order directing the Department of Homeland Security to build a wall along the border with Mexico.
• Announced the creation of an “Office for Victims of Crimes Committed by Removable Aliens”. 
• Announced that this new Office will publish a weekly report chronicling crimes committed by immigrants, regardless of their status, apparently.
• Began referring to human beings as “removable aliens” (just in case that slipped past you).
• Announced a reduction of “at least 40 percent overall” in funding of international organizations, including the United Nations.
• Issued a moratorium on multilateral treaties, calling for a review of “all current and pending treaties with more than one other nation”.
• Announced plans to allow the DACA program, which provided protection to undocumented immigrants who arrived in America as children, to expire.
• Announced his intentions to wage war on American sanctuary cities, where undocumented immigrants are shielded from intimidation by federal agents.
• Signaled that a raft of legislation aimed at singling out and stigmatizing Muslims in the United States of America would, indeed, be put forth.
• Announced plans to bring back the use of torture, black site prisons, and extraordinary rendition.

And that was all before Trump’s batshit crazy first official White House interview, with ABC’s David Muir, during which he:

• Claimed, of his much maligned speech before the CIA, quote: “They said it was the biggest standing ovation since Peyton Manning had won the Superbowl and they said it was equal.” 
• Failed to explain who “they” were, and how “they” went about making such a comparison. 
• Repeated his assertion that America should have just taken Iraq’s oil, regardless of international law.
• Called those who criticized his call to steal Iraq’s oil “fools”.
• Bemoaned the unfairness of ISIS being allowed to “chop people’s heads off and put ‘em on camera and send ‘em all over the world”, while Americans aren’t allowed to have any fun at all.
• Declared his faith in the power of torture and war crimes.
• Blamed the recent rise in Chicago’s crime rate on “political correctness”.
• Used the platform to plug FOX News a couple times.
• Continued to insist that up to 5 million votes were cast illegally in the election, each and every one of them going to his rival.
• When informed that the author of a study he used to support his voter fraud theory insists that his study proves no such thing, Trump accused him of "grovelling".
• Continued to insist that attendance at his inauguration set records.
• Spoke the following words:

"The world is a mess. The world is as angry as it gets. What? You think this is gonna cause a little more anger? The world is an angry place. All of this has happened. We went into Iraq. We shouldn't have gone into Iraq. We shouldn't have gotten out the way we got out. The world is a total mess. Take a look at what's happening with Aleppo. Take a look what's happening in Mosul. Take a look what's going on in the Middle East. And people are fleeing and they're going into Europe and all over the place. The world is a mess, David."

Dear God yes, David, is the world ever a great big fucking mess.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 26 - DAY SEVEN (DIRECTED BY DAVID FINCHER)

Wow. Day Six took a lot out of me. How about you? I wonder what Day Seven was like. Let’s see now… ah yes! On Day Seven:

• Despite still unaddressed concerns about massive conflicts of interest, Trump Hotels revealed plans to further expand the company’s operations in the US market, while simultaneously shelving projects in China... which shouldn't be as disturbing as it is.
• Steve Bannon, Trump’s top adviser and the man widely believed to be the actual author of all those executive orders the White House has been shitting out, called up the New York Times to declare the media an “opposition party” that should "keep its mouth shut."
• Trump threatened to cancel a meeting with Mexico's President Pena Nieto after learning that Nieto had been critical of Trump announcing his intention to go through with building a border wall, but Nieto called his bluff, said "fuck it", and cancelled the meeting his own damn self.
• About that wall: White House Secretary Sean Spicer announced that a 20 percent import tax was being considered to help pay for it. 
• That announcement was promptly walked back, however, when too many people figured out that any tax on Mexican imports would come out of American taxpayer pockets.
• A couple of pipelines experienced massive spills just days after Trump ordered the completion of the KeystoneXL and Dakota Access pipelines.
• The sources Trump cites to support his false "voter fraud" claims were all revealed to be either not what he thinks--the Pew study--or completely made-up bullshit: i.e. the friend of a Bavarian golf pro's friend who told Trump that he knew some people who saw some people who "didn't look like" they should be allowed to vote, and yet somehow they were allowed to vote! Oh, the humanity!

FRIDAY, JANUARY 27 - EIGHT DAYS A WEEK

It was on Friday--a day upon which a so-called "Pro Life" march on Washington attracted approximately one tenth of the previous week's Women's March--that the crap really started overspilling the bucket. Because it was on this day that the Trump administration:

• Declared their support for House Majority Leader Mitch McConnell's plan to deal with "obstructionist Democrats" by using the "nuclear option" of changing House rules to allow for a simple majority vote to install Trump's pick for the Supreme Court vacancy, which he plans to announce next week.
• Issued a Holocaust Remembrance Day statement that made no mention of Jews.
• Signed an executive order that blocks people from seven countries--Iraq, Iran, Syria, Libya, Yemen, Somalia and Sudan--from entering the United States for the next 120 days. 
• Odered a 120 day suspension of the U.S. Refugee Admissions Program, which is basically the entirety of the US refugee program. 
• Imposed an “indefinite” ban on refugees fleeing Syria.
• Capped the number of refugees allowed into the US from other countries at 50,000, which is less than half the goal set by the Obama administration.
• Ordered that refugee claimants be prioritized on the basis of “religious based persecution”, but only if the individual is of “a minority religion in the individual’s country of nationality.” So, basically, a religious test favoring refugee Christians over refugee Muslims coming from majority Muslim countries.
• Made the mind-boggling decision to include Green Card holders in the preliminary travel ban, sparking mass chaos as many people on their way back home from holidays abroad were turned away at airports, while others were informed mid-flight that they would be deported immediately upon landing, and still others were handcuffed, held incommunicado, had their electronic devices confiscated and examined, with some even being questioned about their feelings towards Dear Leader Trump.  

I think it also merits pointing out that on this awful day, with world tensions increasing and the American situation becoming more volatile with every tick of the clock, we also found out that the State Department purge of most senior staff was not quite as voluntary as first reported.

SATURDAY, JANURY 28 - NINE DAYS IN HELL

On Saturday, as it became obvious that the previous day’s executive orders were causing a worldwide travel disaster, outraged Americans began congregating by the thousands at the nation’s airports to protest and demand the release of people being detained there. It was a beautiful show of defiance in the face of an increasingly extreme and radical regime. Meanwhile, on Planet Trump:

• Trump spokeslizard Kellyanne Conwoman spat out a condescending sneer of a tweet, telling people to "Get used to it. @POTUS is a man of action and impact. Promises made, promises kept. Shock to the system. And he's just getting started."
• She later went on FOX News and managed to avoid coughing up a cockroach while hissing: "I don't think Washington is accustomed to somebody who's just been a brilliant businessman, who's accustomed to delivering and producing results, who's accountable to, in this case, the people." 
• Trump had a nice cozy chat on the phone with Russian President Vladimir Putin. The two apparently vowed to team up in order to defeat ISIS, and agreed that restoring economic ties was a darn good idea.
• Trump issued an executive order giving the military 30 days to come up with a plan to defeat ISIS.
• Late in the day, Civil Rights groups succeeded in having a nationwide stay put into place halting Trump’s executive order targeting Muslims. Jubilation broke out at the airports that complied with the judicial order, while protests continued at airports that didn’t.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 29 - AND THEN THERE WERE TEN

Phew! Are you sweating, too? Don't worry, we're almost done, because we're on Day Ten, the day on which:

• We found out the details of the executive order adding revolutionary chaos agent Steve Bannon to the National Security Council.
• Bannon was also added to the Principals Committee, a small group of the national security officials that consider policy issues affecting national security. 
• In order to make room for Bannon, Trump turfed both the Director of National Intelligence and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, who will now only attend by invitation, and only when it is deemed that “their responsibilities and expertise” are needed.

I just want to make sure that this sinks in, because it's a doozy: Trump just kicked the Joint Chiefs out of the National Security Council. To make room for Steve Fucking Bannon. Of Breitbart.com. 

Folks, if I missed anything, please let me know and I'll update this list. In the meanwhile, yer old pal Jerky is tired, and he's gonna take a nap. But if you go out into the big bad world today, maybe try engaging with a stranger or two. Hell, go all out and make a new IRL friend. I have a feeling real, meat-world relationships are going to be incredibly important in the coming weeks and months. 

Start making those connections. Start linking those chains. There's no more time left to waste.

HEY GOOGLE, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?

As I continue to work on my list of everything Trump has done since the inauguration, I decided to take a look at what other bloggers and observers have come up with, to see how my list stacked up against theirs. Imagine my surprise when I typed in my search query only to see Google's auto-fill prompting suggest... well... take a look for yourselves.

Really, Google? "GOOD things" that have happened since Trump was elected? "POSITIVE things" that he's done?! Fucking "GREAT THINGS" he's already done?!?

I can guarantee you that there is NOTHING in my Google search history that could conceivably be responsible for causing these suggestions to show up as legitimate auto-fill suggestions. So either some of Trump's shadier associates--like, maybe, say, Erik Prince--is holding one of Sergey Brin's beloved family members hostage in exchange for some direct interventionary fuckery, or else there are some serious SEO shenanigans going on somewhere that need looking into.

Because you know, Sergey, you can say that Google's unofficial motto is "Don't be evil." But if you somehow let evil people do evil stuff that transforms Google into a de facto vector for evil propaganda... isn't that pretty much the same thing?

SUGGESTED READINGS AND QUOTE OF THE DAY

1. Canadian Naomi Klein--sort of a younger, spunkier, more photogenic version of Noam Chomsky--says we should all Get Ready for the First Shocks of Trump's Disaster Capitalism. The article, published by The Intercept, begins:

We already know that the Trump administration plans to deregulate markets, wage all-out war on “radical Islamic terrorism,” trash climate science and unleash a fossil-fuel frenzy. It’s a vision that can be counted on to generate a tsunami of crises and shocks: economic shocks, as market bubbles burst; security shocks, as blowback from foreign belligerence comes home; weather shocks, as our climate is further destabilized; and industrial shocks, as oil pipelines spill and rigs collapse, which they tend to do, especially when enjoying light-touch regulation. 

All this is dangerous enough. What’s even worse is the way the Trump administration can be counted on to exploit these shocks politically and economically.  

Speculation is unnecessary. All that’s required is a little knowledge of recent history. Ten years ago, I published “The Shock Doctrine,” a history of the ways in which crises have been systematically exploited over the last half century to further a radical pro-corporate agenda. The book begins and ends with the response to Hurricane Katrina, because it stands as such a harrowing blueprint for disaster capitalism. 

That’s relevant because of the central, if little-recalled role played by the man who is now the U.S. vice president, Mike Pence.

The rest of it is well worth reading for a number of reasons, whether you just want to have a better understanding of the ideological underpinnings of those who currently find themselves at the Commanding Heights of this radical new American regime, or just want to give yourself a series of terrifying nightmares. 

***

2. This Economist article tries to explain why Russia is about to decriminalize domestic abuse. If you don't like giving clicks to the Economist, here's the most important part:

The debate began in 2016, when the government decriminalised battery, the least violent form of assault on the Russian statute books. Russia is one of three countries in Europe and Central Asia that do not have laws specifically targeting domestic violence. Instead it is treated like other forms of assault, ignoring the fact that spouses and children are more vulnerable than other victims. But when it decriminalised battery last June, the Duma decided to exempt domestic abuse, instead making it subject to the same two-year maximum sentence as racially motivated offences. 

That pleased civil-society groups that had been pushing for tougher rules. But the Russian Orthodox Church was furious. Scripture and Russian tradition, the church said, regard “the reasonable and loving use of physical punishment as an essential part of the rights given to parents by God himself”. Meanwhile, conservative groups worried that parents might face jail. They argued that it was wrong for parents to face harsher punishment for hitting their child than a neighbour would. 

Under pressure from such groups, deputies have put forward a bill that makes the first instance of poboi—battery that does not do lasting harm—an administrative violation carrying a fine of 30,000 roubles ($502), community service or a 15-day detention. It also returns the crime to the realm of “private prosecution”, where the victim is responsible for collecting evidence and bringing a case. Repeat offences would be criminal infractions, but only within a year of the first, giving abusers a pass to beat relatives once a year.

***

3. "I Was Trained for the Culture Wars in Home School, Awaiting Someone Like Mike Pence as a Messiah". Quite a mouthful, isn't it? It's a title that brings to mind both classic "Red Scare" propaganda, as well as those "I Was a Teen Age Whatsis" drive-in science-fiction flicks of the 1950's. Unfortunately, there's nothing funny about Kieran Darkwater's description of her rising anxiety on Election Day, nor about the reason for her anxiety. As she explains: 

I grew up in the far-right evangelical conservative (Christofascist) movement; specifically, I was homeschooled and my parents were part of a subculture called Quiverfull, whose aim is to outbreed everyone for Jesus. I spent my teen years being a political activist. I was taught by every pastor I encountered that it was our job as Christians to outbreed the secularists (anyone not a far-right evangelical Protestant) and take over the government through sheer numbers. I was part of TeenPact, Generation Joshua and my local Teenage Republicans (TARS).

When the Tea Party rose in 2009, that was my culture. The Tea Party was step one. I was laying the groundwork for those elections in 2006. These people didn’t come out of the blue like it seemed. This plan, this Christofascist takeover of the US government, has been in the works for decades. When evangelical conservatism started becoming popular and more mainstream around the 1970s, the foundation was being laid for the tragedy playing out right now.

Evangelical conservatives started taking over their local republican parties and founding organizations like Operation Rescue, Homeschool Legal Defense Association, Family Research Council and Focus on the Family, just to name a few.

From that point on, Kieran goes into some deep history, providing plenty of links and evidence to back up her claims, some of which may be startling to those of you who haven't been reading the Dirt, in its various iterations, over most of the past 2 decades. So I suggest you click through, read it, and help spread it around. When you do, I think you'll have to agree with her conclusions about the only proper reaction to all this:

They will not be won over with sit-downs and respectability politics. This kind of dogma cannot be reasoned with; it must be fought against. Trying to convince them to come to the other side is a waste of time unless they’ve already started on that journey themselves. The ones in power, actively harming our lives, are past this point. We can only fight back.

***

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"It’s like being actually led into the Promised Land by Moses."

- Representative Tom Cole (R-OK) talking about guess who.

DDD EXTRAS

• As always, if you're interested in historical oddities, trivia about secret societies, political assassinations, paranormal events and other assorted weirdness, be sure to check in with our sister-site, the Useless Eater Blog, for a daily rundown!  For instance, did you know that it was on this day in 1987 that CIA director William J. Casey stepped down after six years spent managing Black Ops, Wet Ops and Psy Ops for the Bush/Reagan regime? It was quite the lucky break for Poppy Bush that, only a short time later, Casey should die two days before he was scheduled to testify in the Iran/Contra hearings!
• If you missed our link to Vic Berger's latest video editing masterpiece, which we ran earlier today, then by all means be sure to go back and check it out! As a matter of fact, you might do well to open up the entire Daily Dirt Diaspora website by just clicking on our graphic banner. Do so, and you'll soon have ten days' worth of Dirt served up on a single page!

AMERICAN HORROR STORY: TRUMP'S INAUGURATION

Vic Berger's video remixes for Super Deluxe are all pretty great, no matter the subject matter. However, his latest work, exploring more of the disturbing subtext (and supertext) of Donald Trump's inauguration "celebration". For those of you who like your satire served cold, this one's for you.

WHILE I COMPILE TOMORROW'S DDD OFFERING, ENJOY THIS LOVELY IMAGE

MELANIA'S WASN'T THE ONLY BAD REACTION

By now you've all seen it. The moment at his inauguration when, during comments by Reverend Franklin Graham, Donald Trump turns to his smiling wife, Melania, and says something curt before turning his back on her as her smile turns into... something else. That look has haunted millions of people across the globe who've been replaying those few frames of video over and over again, trying to read Melania's expression. It's clear she's been chastened, on this of all days, so perhaps she's disappointed. But isn't there more than just a hint of fear in that look? Of dread? 

Yer old pal Jerky went back to the videotape and sought out another angle, to see if there were any more clues to be gleaned. Guess what? There were. Because the CBS news cameras captured that moment from an angle that makes it seem as though perhaps it wasn't Melania who was the target of Trump's no doubt withering tongue-lash, but his youngest son, the tragically-monikered Barron, who was standing immediately to Melania's right.

Just look here. This first image captures the split second after Trump has turned back towards his family, before he's said anything. The people around them--let's call them Blondie, Fat Man, and Fat Man's Wife (mostly obscured by Barron in this image) are all wearing beaming smiles, ostensibly befitting the occasion. Even Barron is trying hard to act like a normal happy kid, God bless him.

This image captures the exact moment when Trump's brief, obviously cutting comment registers with Barron, causing him to flinch visibly.

Seemingly pleased with himself at having exerted his Will to Power over a 10 year old boy, Trump turns back to the crowd. You can't see Melania from this angle, but this is the moment when the smile fell from her face. Blondie's expression has notably soured. Barron seems to have absorbed the insult (if that's what it was) and is stewing in it. Soon, his head will drop, and will only raise again intermittently.

Blondie sneaks a surreptitious peek in Barron and Melania's direction. Checking to see if they're okay? Fat Man is also looking towards Melania.

Barron's head drops. The Fat Man's formerly jovial countenance is now noticeably grimmer. Blondie looks like she swallowed a bug. Now it's the Fat Man's Wife's turn to check in on Melania.

Blondie once again sneaks a peek at Barron and Melania. Is it curiosity or concern? The look on her face says "Jesus Christ... who knew?!" Fat Man and Wife are basically frozen.

Trump, perhaps sensing a temperature drop in his immediate vicinity, defensively puffs up. Blondie stares into the middle distance, while she, Fat Man and Barron look like they'd rather be anywhere else.

Blondie, obviously embarrassed, decides to stare at the floor for a while. Barron seems to have gone to his "happy place", maybe daydreaming about Mine Craft or something.

Another sideways check-in from Blondie, no poker face she, whie the Fat Man's face goes from grim to grimmer as he, too, stares down the middle distance.

Back to staring morosely at nothing for Blondie (who you will recall was beaming with joy just a few short seconds ago). Fat Man seems to have decided on a face style I am hereby christening: "Steadfast Resoluteness".

It's difficult to make out in a still image, but Blondie gave a nervous toss of her head, at this point, as though trying to follow Taylor Swift's edict to "Shake it Off".

Yet another glance from Blondie. She just can't help herself. She keeps returning to those two poor people like a tongue that can't help but probe a bad tooth.

And four times is the charm. From this point on, Blondie can only stare at her shoes in embarrassed discomfort. Barron looks like he's used to this kind of shit.

And so, as Blondie flees ever deeper into herself and away from the trauma of having witnessed a tiny sliver of the One True Trump, Fat Man pulls a full on introspective grimace, looking for all the world like a man who is thinking "My God... What have we done?!"

That's the way yer old pal Jerky sees it, anyway. We're still no closer to knowing what it is, exactly, that Trump said to his "beloved" wife and child, but if anybody knows who Blondie and Fat Man are, maybe we could ask them?

In the meantime, did you hear about how on Saturday, Trump personally got on the horn with the National Park Service leadership and demanded they find photographs to corroborate his erroneous belief that his inauguration was the most widely attended in history? Funny, right?

And did you hear about the purge of all high ranking career diplomats--including people who've been working there since the 1970's--at the State Department?  How about his decision to start publishing a weekly list of crimes committed by "aliens", meaning immigrants, no matter their status?

Not so funny, right?

Folks, after Wednesday's interview on ABC, maybe it's time to stop laughing. Trump is a textbook narcissistic megalomaniacal psychopath, and the party he leads is jam-packed with Armageddonist Evangelical Jihadists, and Free Market Absolutists who wouldn't bat an eye at the return of slavery and probably even cannibalism if that's what "the markets" will bear. So if you've got any bright ideas, now might be the time to spill, because I'll be honest... I'm drawing a fucking blank about how to deal with this shit.