SHOES DROPPING, HANDS SHAKING!

48 HOURS' WORTH OF SHOE-DROPS

Our old pal Eric Garland has rat-tat-tatted out yet another epic Tweetstorm over on his Twitter Machine, and I gotta tell ya, it's enough to give a tragically obese former Internet pornographer-cum-hobby blogging waste of skin, time, and breath a bit of HOPE for the future that he most likely won't be alive to see. I reproduce it here, for my older and less technologically inclined readers, so that they can share in the joy, as well. Enjoy!

• Starting at Feb 17: - Mark Sanford of South Carolina goes full anti-Trump - Trump preferred a Fox pundit to a Navy SEAL for NSA
• Trump White House avoiding Presidential Records Act by using "secure" texting app on *personal* phones that aren't really secure
• White House shedding staffers who can't pass their background checks for security clearance because, who knows, zoophilia or something
• Trump has reformatted the Presidential Daily Brief to the length and depth of a Hallmark card, without all the complexity
• Australia's Malcolm Turnbull, the most Trump-like politician on Earth, called him a nancy for not being able to deal with the media
• Pope basically instructed all Catholics to be nothing like the Trump administration
• They almost made the National Guard the Waffen SS
• Jason Chaffetz joined OJ Simpson to, at long last, look for the real killers. - Jim Comey scared the crap out of Senators in a SCIF
• Trump dropped to under 38% approval, which is close to my rating - Haaretz revealed emoluments between Israel and Jared Kushner
• It was revealed that a Venezuelan narco-trafficker who had his assets frozen by Treasury was a member of Trump's golf club
• Germany said that US threats against the EU were tantamount to an act of war - Trump called the media "enemies of the people"
• Marco Rubio (!) came out and said, Senate Intel can do this job - Politico said Kushner is really SecState, not Tillerson
• Senate Dems asked DHS IG to investigate Trump - Pence stood up for NATO and everything Trump hates while over in Europe
• It was revealed Trump staffers asked economic advisors to cook the books for 3% growth - Petraeus told the Trump people to pound sand
• The New Yorker reported that Mike Flynn took $40,000 for appearing at a gala with Putin, which he did not report to the government
• POLITICO dropped tapes of Trump SELLING OFF ACCESS TO SIT IN ON INTERVIEWS WITH POTENTIAL CABINET SECRETARIES
• Potential Navy Sec'y Bilden said "thanks, but no thanks" - Pence in Europe got SUPER BUTCH about taking on Russia
• FBI revealed that it has three inquiries into Trump and Russia, especially regarding shell companies that funneled him money from Putin
• Trump had an online fundraiser to get him some money to fight the free press guaranteed under the First Amendment
• NYTimes published a story where Eric Trump thinks we're freaking out because they're "only" gonna make $8 million for selling access
• Trump had a straight-up fascist rally - McCain used the term "dictator" with regards to Trump
• Trump, who lied, about a terrorist attack, pissed off SWEDEN, which is nigh on impossible - Trump was banned from IKEA for life
• Actually Trump was not banned from IKEA, but that would obviously be amazing so RT to ask IKEA to ban Trump for life starting tonight
• About nine other news agencies dropped 19 stories it's almost over I'm gonna eat some pizza love you all this was ONLY 48 HOURS

Thank you, Eric, for gathering all this intel (and as for my adding links to your work - you're welcome!). Hope you don't mind my cribbing your stuff, so long as I keep giving you credit! 

Cheers! 

YOPJ

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Some helpful martial artists have developed a way to defend yourself against the unexpected physical assault that is a Donald J. Trump Power Handshake. So if there's any chance at all that you might be chosen to fill one of the increasing number of job vacancies in the White House--or hell, maybe even a cabinet position!--then you should probably click, clip, and save the information at the above link, for later.

DDD EXTRAS

If you want to learn about some cool and/or weird things that happened on this day in history, check out our sister-site, Useless Eater Blog!