YOU MIGHT BE A MORMON!

If you buy wedding rings in bulk, then you might be a Mormon.

If you have more siblings than co-workers, then you might be a Mormon. Or a Catholic.

If you've had more doors slammed in your face than I've had hot dinners, then you might be a Mormon.

If your house of worship looks like it was designed by colorblind alien Goths from Disneyland, then you might be a Mormon.

If you've ever detoured miles out of your way, just to avoid having to drive through the sin-crazed metropolis of Branson, MO, then you might be a Mormon.

If you have a favorite Osmond, then you might be a Mormon.

If you think Ken Jennings' winning streak on Jeopardy is proof that LDS is the one true church, then you might be a Mormon.

If anybody in your family is named "Lehi", "Brigham" or "Utah", then you might be a Mormon.

And finally, if riding up in the crotch is the least of your underwear problems, then you might be a Mormon.

IS THIS WHY THEY'RE KEEPING ARIEL SHARON ALIVE?!

I've always found it odd that The Powers That Be in Israel seem so desperate to keep former PM Ariel Sharon alive, despite the fact that he's been in a "persistent vegetative state" since being felled by a massive stroke on January 4, 2006. Contrary to the optimistic pronouncements of Sharon's immediate family, according to doctors, the poor man has essentially been bed-ridden and unresponsive for almost seven years now. I have always found the Jewish people to be very pragmatic in general, not given over to hoping where no hope can realistically exist. So why this insistence on keeping Sharon alive?  

Watch this Youtube video, and see if it doesn't provide an important clue to this mystery...

I'm not saying I believe everything stated in this video. However, I am saying that it's possible some people high up in the Israeli government believe it. And if such is, indeed, the case, what does it mean for our collective future on this planet once Ariel finally does slip free from the bonds of his brutally imposed half-life trapped in a cage of dead flesh?

THE TRIAL OF SOCRATES

Drunkle Orpheus delivers a wonderful memento from those bygone pre-Internet days. He writes:

"Victor Buono stars as Socrates in this educational film (apparently) produced for an Encyclopedia Britannica series called 'Man and the State'. It dramatizes the philosopher's trial and execution, drawn primarily from Plato's 'Apology', and also includes a brief scene referencing Aristophanes' mockery of Socrates in 'The Clouds'. This film was definitely a low-budget affair, but it looks good for what it is. Buono's portrayal is thoughful and subdued, so don't expect any of the bombastic delivery he brought to the 1960's Batman TV show..."

Enjoy!

BRITCOM GENIUS CHRIS MORRIS TOURS C.E.R.N.

There seems to be a trend of comic and/or satirical super-geniuses buddying up with high-tech outfits doing yeoman's work on the bleeding-edge technologies of tomorrow, today! First there was MST3K creator (and one of yer old pal Jerky's Favorite Human Beings Alive) Joel Hodgson being chosen to serve as "Creative Lead for Media" at satellite manufacturing company Cannae.  Now there's this Guardian podcast wherein pitch-black Day Today satirist Chris Morris teams up with C.E.R.N. to discuss the vagaries of gluons, muons and the ever-elusive Higgs boson "God particle". It is very amusing indeed to hear Morris, whose terrifying Day Today newsreader character was equal parts Jeremy Paxman and Alex DeLarge by way of the Krays, ask about heavy science stuff with humility and sincere curiosity, only occasionally allowing humor to creep in to his report... as when he claims one of the scientists that he's interviewing has told him off-air that their experiments might very well bring about the end of the Universe as we know it. This causes an eruption of uncomfortable laughter all 'round. A good, smart listen. Enjoy!

THE SHINING: FORWARDS AND BACKWARDS

What with all the sorcery and witchery surrounding the making of Stanley Kubrick's The Shining - his second most esoteric film after 2001: A Space Odyssey - it should probably come as no surprise that watching it in reverse, superimposed over itself playing normally, should yield such potent symbolic fruits... to the interested and invested viewer, of course. Read this for more information on The Shining: Forwards and Backwards.

DDDIASPORA GOES TO THE MOVIES: EQUINOX!

For this, the first-ever edition of Daily Dirt Diaspora Goes to the Movies!, yer old pal Jerky LeBoeuf has chosen to feature the 1970 occult-themed multiple-monster movie EQUINOX! 

This was a difficult film to get a hold of before its 2006 re-issue as #338 in the much ballyhooed Criterion Collection. Why such a high-falutin' outfit as Criterion would condescend to releasing a deluxe edition of a movie that very few people saw during its initial theatrical run probably has something to do with three things...

First, there is the fact that EQUINOX has long been considered a major influence on cult horror classic Evil Dead, although Sam Raimi, himself, has never acknowledged the debt. Still and all, the demonologist researching a super-evil book that calls forth demonic powers from beyond time, space and dimension, the secluded cabin in the woods, even the showdown on the bridge! It's all there!

Second, the film has garnered a reputation among some fans of stop motion animation as being a more than adequate example of the art form, with a large menagerie of cool looking monsters brought to Harryhausenesque life for our viewing pleasure. 

And, finally, third, there is the involvement (occasionally very tangential) of a number of "interesting" people... everybody from financier/auteur Dennis Muren, who would go on to win 8 Academy Awards for special effects work on movies for the Lucas/Speilberg cabal, legendary horror/sf author Fritz Leiber, who appears as a rogue demonologist without any spoken lines... except for on tape, where his voice was dubbed by none other than Famous Monsters of Filmland maven Forrest J. Ackerman! And of course, EQUINOX is the acting debut of Frank Bonner, a.k.a. WKRP's own Herb frickin' Tarlek, as Joe! All this, and Ed Begley Jr as assistant camera? How could you possibly resist?

So watch now, or forever hold your peace! Those Criterion creeps likely won't let Youtube keep this sucker up for very long, now.