Saturday, November 19, 2016


1. I figured it wouldn’t be long before Donald Trump’s purloined “victory” seeped into the nether recesses of our collective online hive mind, like creeping tendrils of psychic mycelium, and began manifesting throughout the culture in odd and unexpected ways. And lo, it has come to pass!

Just take a gander at the next-level bullshit contained in the advertising copy for LIT: How to Get Your Soul Back, a sub-Iron John, no girls allowed, vaguely New Age-sounding self-help book that aspires to teach you how to defeat your mortal enemies so you can finally be the manly man that you’ve always known, in your heart of hearts, you were BORN to be!

And who might those enemies be, you ask? Here's a handy-dandy list of them, provided on page two:
Wall Street robbed us of our future when they raped and pillaged our retirement accounts. 
Feminists robbed us of love and affection when they poisoned women's hearts against us. 
Washington robbed us of our freedom when they legislated away our God-given rights one by one.
I think they hit the trifecta! No mention of George Soros or Anita Sarkeesian so far, but it appears to be a pretty thick book, so they're probably mentioned in there somewhere. 

Not since perusing the works of L.Ron Hubbard have I encountered such a hilariously transparent, ham-fisted, lowest common denominator attempt to get fools to part with their money. And yet, while it might be tempting to dismiss this as merely the product of a semi-literate SEO bro’s attempt to massage buzzwords nicked from MRA and Pick Up Artist reddits into a serviceable sales pitch, I think there’s more to it.

To elaborate upon the fungal metaphor initiated in the first paragraph, I see the appearance of this idiocy in my Facebook feed as nothing less than a fruiting body finally bursting, cordyceps-like, into view - already poisonous and swollen with corruption - after years spent hidden away in the spore-choked, obsessive-compulsive darkness of the alt.right noosphere, where it was unconsciously cultivated by countless mycologists of the mind.

Or maybe it’s just another shitty sales pitch, with a handful of reactionary ideas thrown in to make it stand out. You be the judge. Either way, I think it’s unintentional comedy GOLD! 

2. To those of you who hear about so-called "voter ID laws" being implemented by Republican legislators across the USA and wonder "What's the big deal?", please take the time to read about Eddie Holloway Jr's experience in Wisconsin, where one of these laws recently went into effect. Ari Berman's article for The Nation begins with an overview of Holloway's odyssey, as explained during sworn testimony before a court of law, on penalty of perjury:
Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker said his state’s strict new voter-ID requirement worked “just fine” in the April 5 primary, but thousands of Wisconsinites were unable to cast a ballot because of the new law. One of them was Eddie Lee Holloway Jr. 
Holloway, a 58-year-old African-American man, moved from Illinois to Wisconsin in 2008 and voted without problems, until Wisconsin passed its voter-ID law in 2011. “I never miss voting,” he said. He brought his expired Illinois photo ID, birth certificate, and Social Security card to get a photo ID for voting, but the DMV in Milwaukee rejected his application because the name on his birth certificate read “Eddie Junior Holloway,” the result of a clerical error when it was issued. 
Holloway, who worked as a cook in Illinois but is now unemployed and disabled, living with his family in Milwaukee, got a ride downtown to the Vital Records System to try to fix his birth certificate. Vital Records said it would cost between $400 and $600, which Holloway could not afford. 
He then called the Illinois Vital Records Division, who said he had to personally come to Springfield, the state capital, to amend his birth certificate. So Holloway bought a $180 round-trip bus ticket and traveled four hours back to his home state. Once in Springfield, the division said it needed a copy of his high-school and vaccination records. Holloway went to his hometown of Decatur to get his school records, paying $20 to his friend for gas money, but after returning to Springfield, Vital Records said it needed his full Social Security statement, which he didn’t have. He also visited the Illinois DMV, but had no luck there either. He left Illinois without getting the documents he needed to vote in Wisconsin. 
Back in Milwaukee, Holloway got two copies of his Social Security statement and asked Illinois Vital Records if he could e-mail or fax them over. They said he’d have to appear in person again. But Holloway didn’t have the money to make another trip to Illinois and gave up trying to get a voter ID. He’d spent $200, visited two states, and made seven trips to different public institutions, but still couldn’t vote in Wisconsin.
And THAT, dear reader, is why, if you've ever poo-poo'd the efforts of Republicans to make it as difficult as possible for minorities and other Democratic-leaning constituencies to cast their votes during elections, you are either severely disinformed, or you're a vile piece of irredeemable shit for whom a special room in Hell awaits, all burny and hurty with bright flaming justice.

3. And, finally for today, let's polish things off with a beautiful live performance by my good friend, Canadian stage and screen treasure Brad Brackenridge. In this video, Brad performs Bernie Martin's short play, "Life Comes To Resemble Unimaginative Literature: Or, The Moment Of My Death", a piece combining a monologue, some puppetry, and a lovely musical score. This performance was part of a recent evening of one act plays at The Theatre On King in Peterborough, Ontario, Canada, as part of a festival celebrating Martin's work. Enjoy!

Yer Old Pal Jerky's Words of Wisdom #331

"If the Presidency went to those capable of drawing the biggest crowds, the candidates would have been Bruce Springsteen and Roger Waters. If it went to whoever has the most Twitter followers, say hello to President Bieber."


  1. Before the recent F5 derpstorm, I recall catching Bill-O on Fox News discussing the distressing incidence of voters being accosted by angry-seeming Trumpistas as they left the polling places, demanding to know who they voted for.

    Bill seemed determined to make one point: to wit, he kept insisting that it couldn't be "voter intimidation" because the people being hassled had already voted. The point that seemed to elude him was that people might be less inclined to walk INTO a polling place to vote if they knew they were going to be hassled on their way OUT.

    I suppose it's not so surprising, really. When your livelihood depends on your lack of understanding something, nothing short of some cosmic-level paradigm realignment and an act of God is going to make you get it.

    1. Indeed, old pal... indeed. In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is nothing but a low down dirty trouble-maker.